Hi there! Welcome to my blog! I love, love, love talking about all things metaphysics, writing, and blogging. My hope is that you leave here feeling much better than when you came. It's great to see you!
I’D LOVE TO…
I have a somewhat unhealthy addiction to fried food.
My heaven would literally consist of macaroni and cheese between two toasted pieces of buttery, sourdough toast, some corn dogs, chicken fingers heavily dunked in ranch, and double doubles galore from In’n’Out, along with a hefty side of french fries and mojos from Shakey’s pizza.
Right when you’re about to turn 30, you start realizing that a lot of ‘super important’ stuff in your life was really just ridiculous piles of bullshit.
And I think maybe we were meant to come to this conclusion.
This is my favorite time of life. 29, going on 30.
I feel immense gratitude for being 29. There is something beautiful about it. Something sweet. I can see myself crying at 26, smiling at 28, coming to a rest at 29.
A soft halt.
I’m doing something crazy, and I have zero time for it. But I’m doing it anyway.
I’m turning 30 on August 26th. That’s right, the road to thirty is finally upon me. I may be the most excited person on the planet about it, because my 20s were the most colorful mess ever. For awhile I considered doing a long post about all of the things I’ve learned over the past decade. Battles. Losses. Stupid ideas. That sort of thing.
Freelance writing, and freelancing in general, has a lot of negative connotations. In fact, Chuck Wendig once wrote an article called “Want to Be a Freelancer? Just Punch Yourself in the Face, Instead.” Yikes!
This one goes out to all of the people who feel guilty for having really good days. Or for those who expect nothing but doom after having a really good day.
(Scoot over so I can read this too).
Now from what I know about life, we have a bit of trouble relaxing. Even when things are going good.
There are days when I am so, so grateful for all of the good things in my life. I’ll wake up in my nice warm bed, in my beautiful apartment, take a nice hot shower, and pick out the day’s apparel from an extremely packed closet full of clothes. I’ll think damn, how did I get so lucky?
Then I’ll see the boyfriend and feel more lucky. I’ll show up to work and feel even more lucky.
And suddenly, in all of this gratitude, I’ll become afraid that it’s all too good. That things are just going too good. Do you have this fear sometimes? It’s almost like I’m expecting trouble to rear it’s ugly head somewhere because things are going so great. Some inner voice says, watch out Monique, things are going good now but just wait, it won’t last forever. Something bad’s bound to happen.
The good thing about Hay House Radio is, it’s taught me to let life love me. (Rest assured, life loves you too.)
Take a Look Around At The Good
Without us really thinking about it, life gives us warm beds to sleep in every single night. It gives us two eyes to see everything with. It gives us such beautiful and diverse faces. We can stand up and sit down and wiggle all around whenever we want. We have a few good people in our life. We aren’t chained. We’re so free, and we’re so wonderful, and it’s okay to recognize and appreciate this freedom for what it is.
It’s Okay to Enjoy It
It’s okay to get into your safe, beautiful car and let the wind and sun hit your face. It’s okay when good things happen to you, because they’re happening for a reason. There’s no bad in it. It’s just raw, simple good. Take it at face value. No one says you can only have one good day, or one good moment. In fact your whole life can be good. (Say what?!)
I know that sometimes though, it’s hard to enjoy the good. Sometimes I’ll see something on the news about some kid dying at the hands of their own parents. I’ll see people who are without homes due to fires and natural disasters. I’ll hear about other people who are drowning in sorrow and I’ll think, wow. Is it okay for me to be happy when so much ungodly despair and negativity pervades some parts of the world?
And I’ll feel really, really guilty about having good things in my life. Like absurdly guilty. And then that whole doom and gloom feeling washes over me, like something bad is about to happen because look around! There’s bad everywhere!
Ask Yourself, Is Guilt Going to Help?
What I’ve learned from listening to Hay House Radio these past few days is that it’s normal and okay to feel guilty about things, but you have to ask yourself, how much is feeling guilty helping the situation? Is your guilt going to solve the problems of the world?
That’s a firm no. When life shows up in monumentally good ways, you have to let it love you. There’s a reason you’re where you are today, and where you are not. The universe is looking after you, whether you believe in it or not, and somehow this exceedingly good day landed in your lap. It’s a gift. Would you give away a gift someone gave to you out of love, just because you felt guilty for having it? There are a lot of things we deserve in this life, and gifts of love make up many of them.
Say It A Few Times
Yes, it’s time to get tribal. Life loves me. Say it out loud, or say it under your breath, any way so that it really sticks. Life loves me. It may seem awkward at first, or even a bit self-serving, as though we don’t deserve to walk around saying or thinking this. But that’s just our good ole’ ego getting in the way of everything. Per usual. So say it until it makes you feel good.
Life loves me.
It’s a real spirit lifter. Because after you say the ‘life loves me’ part, you can say ‘and I love life’. And then you have this beautiful relationship thing going on.
And when you hear about or see horribly heinous things happening in the world, remember that life loves those people too. It’s just that life is ALL OVER THE PLACE. It’s literally everywhere. It’s despair, it’s gladness, it’s crazy, it’s joy, it’s weird, it’s scary, it’s mysterious, it’s wobbly, it’s grey, it’s peach, it’s all over the fucking Google map. And yes, we have our heinous moments too. We don’t have worry-free lives. There are really unfortunate things that have happened to us, too.
But we also have good. And the people who are going through something heinous also have good. These horrible things aren’t an indicator of how our life is going to go, or that we don’t deserve the gifts we have. No two people’s experiences are the same. Different things happen to us for different reasons.
So if you’re feeling happy, stay there. Life is loving you in this very moment, the same way it’s been loving you since the first time you opened those big, beautiful eyes and took in your very first breath. Explore the way life loves you, and be grateful for it. Let it love you in your warm bed, in your nice car, in your beautiful face. Somewhere along the way, you did a few good things that got you to this good place. Be there to enjoy it.
Now of course, I wouldn’t recommend bragging about how good life is going for you to everyone you meet, obviously we’re talking about internal good stuff here, but you get the picture.
When things are going good for you, let them go good. Be grateful, and enjoy this goodness. Meditate on it. Enjoy it like the first bite of a greasy, cheesy pepperoni pizza.
Good is not guilt. Good is not doom. Good is good. And it sure as hell doesn’t have to be fleeting.
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Thank You, But This is Important to Me
Can we talk about London Grammar for a full second and a half? I don’t think I’ve ever been so obsessed with a band ever. (That’s probably a lie, but I have a bachelor’s degree in over-exaggeration).
Hot damn I’m excited. It’s the last page of our 2014 story. Here’s how this one ends.
Girl wakes up warm and excited. Girl gets disappointed. Girl stays warm and excited after disappointment. Despite disappointment. Boyfriend makes girl happy by saying something funny and they both get coffee together. It’s warmer outside.
Girl reflects on the last 364 days.