Page 365 of 365

December 31, 2014

Hot damn I’m excited. It’s the last page of our 2014 story. Here’s how this one ends.

Girl wakes up warm and excited. Girl gets disappointed. Girl stays warm and excited after disappointment. Despite disappointment. Boyfriend makes girl happy by saying something funny and they both get coffee together. It’s warmer outside.

Girl reflects on the last 364 days.

Exhilaration. Horror. Unexpected gifts. Beautiful roses. Delicious guacamole. Sour words. Mean thoughts. Salty food. Conversations with God. Fear conquered. Conquered by fear. The realization that I am limitless. That I am eternal. That I am light and love.

Audiobooks.

Books not finished. Books started without finishing the previous ones. Identity theft. Guest blog posts. A few workouts. Eyeliner. Airplanes.

Girl stops here to make a toast to the new year with her boyfriend. Their plastic coffee cups click. Long eye contact. He looks away first.

The plan for tonight is to spend it together. Girl will cook. Boy will eat. Girl will drink. Girl will dance and sing. Boy will probably laugh. It will be perfect.

Another year gone by, another million things learned. I finally made money from this blog. I am almost to 100 subscribers. I realized that you have to work out your salvation through fear and trembling. Because right after you face your fear, the adrenaline is better than a hot and toasty cheese bagel with tomato, onion, and cream cheese. Even if you’re still trembling.

And the monsters are actually trees.

Crawling out from under the rock of anxiety is like seeing the world for the first time. Even if this only happens momentarily, once or so a week.

Risk being seen in all your glory. (Jim Carey said that)

The need for acceptance will make you invisible. (Jim Carey said that)

How tricky is this ego, to tempt us with something we already possess? (Jim Carey also said that. He’s also my personal therapist FYI. Via YouTube.)

In 2015 I’m launching a dating app. In 2015, I’m taking creativity to a whole new level, writing like mad, and doing things I’ve never ever done. I’m dreaming up a good life, for both of us. We are the ones at the wheel, driving this thing. And these beautiful bodies we have are on loan for a few years. We’ll have to leave them behind at some point. Let’s love them and use them and flaunt them and shake ’em. Let’s pretend like we don’t have another 50 years. 30. 20. What would we do differently today?

No more goals. Truths.

There is nothing bigger than ourselves, than what we already are. This is the biggest thing I’ve learned this year. I started A Novel Quest to embark on a quest to do something great with my life, but I’ve realized that my life is already something great every single day. And no matter what I do in this world, I’m already where I need to be. If you can’t be happy with what you already have, then when you get to the place you’re striving for, you won’t be happy there either.