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I’D LOVE TO…
Today’s the big day. I’m holding a gathering for my parents and Adam’s parents to meet for the very first time. This is thirty, everyone. His parents are meeting her parents. We are so adult now, you wouldn’t be able to tell us a part from an entire room full of them.
Even after all this time, the sun doesn’t ask anything of the earth.
What’s been calming me down lately is pretending I am a cloud, and then sometimes, a planet. Both are mere observers, and the Tao Te Ching tells us we are witnesses to life happening before us. This keeps me from interacting with it so much, from throwing myself into every situation and trying to control it. It’s much more relaxing to let people and things be who and what they were meant to be.
I had a small bout with self-harm as an 18-year-old. In addition to an eating disorder and various other forms of depression.
The teenage years can be tough for some girls.
You ever get the feeling as you age, that you’re entering into this period of unlearning all the false beliefs you had about yourself growing up? I’m starting to feel this great unlearning of all of the things I used to falsely believe about myself and life in general when I was younger.
I like to think of my mid-twenties as the ‘dark ages’ of my life. It was definitely a mid-twenties slump. The light within me was clouded with a delusional need for love and acceptance, which left me tearful and alone.
It’s easy to think of each year as a chapter in our lives. Personally, each New Year’s Eve I feel like I’m closing a book rather than a chapter. But something far more beautiful than a book is evolving over each period of our lives, and it’s longer than a year.
(I flubbed the math. I’m actually 19 days away from 30, not 20, so we’re skipping a day. English majors can’t count properly, apparently.)
You are who you are and that’s it.
I am a writer. It’s time to face the music with that fact. I’ve always been afraid to tell people I’m a writer, because I didn’t like the attention or the follow up questions.
I’m starting to learn something tricky about the word yes.
I say it a lot.
Sometimes, this a good thing. I say yes to the adventure that is my life. I say yes to a chili cheese dog with french fries. I say yes to giving my body the time and space it needs to meditate when there’s a lot going on.