I’ve been writing in a journal every day since January 1st of this year. In 2006 I made a similar commitment to myself, but this year, I’m also snapping a picture of myself to add to each daily post, just for fun. I guess you could call it a selfie a day. (Don’t worry, they’re private–I wouldn’t do that to you.)
Selfies are interesting. On Instagram, there are hundreds of selfies (thousands probably), and I don’t really mind seeing them. I read an article somewhere about how we should forget about the people who get annoyed at people who take selfies–if you’re looking fabulous on a certain day, then why the hell not?
I typically only post public selfies after I’ve been drinking (whoops), but this year I kind of wanted to take more. Not necessarily to share with anyone, but to keep privately, to remember the way that I look.
I’m speeding towards dirty 30 every minute of every day. My 30th birthday is still about a year and a half away, and I know I will look very much the same, but not exactly. I want to capture my self today, on March 2nd, when I am 28. I want to capture myself every day, and then later in the evening, write about it with my picture. It sounds a bit conceited or something when you try and explain it, but it’s not really about conceit. It’s kind of like when you stumble upon a picture taken months ago and think, damn that picture came out great, and how odd that I see my face different than what it actually looks like in this awesome picture.
That’s why I do it, to always remember that there is a difference from the way that other people see me, and the way that I see myself. Usually I see myself as not so great looking, as I’m sure we all sort of do for some ungodly reason. But when I stare at the ‘selfie’ later on, I think, hey what the hell, this is a great picture! Also, I’m always smiling in the picture, so I do it to remind myself of my ‘happy face’ when I sit down to write about the day. Not only does the smiling face in the picture make me a bit happier, but it makes me appreciate the way I look in this very moment of time, and to be grateful for it.
Does any of this makes sense?
This morning I was reviewing all of my faces from February, and all of my posts. February was filled with a lot of activity, roaches in my apartment, a suspicious gas smell coming from my kitchen, my first time discovering Archer, a somewhat painful dentist appointment, a nice day catching up with old friends, and very, very busy days at work. It’s amazing how much can happen in a month, and how much a person can be so glad it’s over. But hey, with all those selfies, each day there was a smile.
Oh yeah! I also started a new Twitter account for my short fiction/poetry. My twitter name is @EyesDiscover.
I’m so obsessed with it. I knew writing made me happy but I think pithy snippets of poetry and fiction make me happier. It lets me unclog all of the thoughts in my head in a single sentence, and putting them out into the world makes me feel like I am leaving an impression. It’s like they say on the Unmistakable Creative, “The goal is not to live forever, but to create something that does.”
Have a beautiful weekend.
I’m giving up caffeine for an entire week.
Earlier this year I talked about how I wanted to do more experimentation because to improve is to change (thank you House of Cards and Winston Churchill). I want to try things that change me, test me, and cause me to think or feel differently. I know a week isn’t earth shattering, but I’m an admitted coffee addict, and I’d like to test out the waters for a week to see whether or not the ground falls out beneath me.
The idea for this came while I was listening to an excellent podcast I discovered called The Unmistakable Creative (formerly Blogcast FM). A guy named Charlie Hoehn was a guest on an episode called “The Dark Side of Ambition”, and he was talking about how giving up caffeine was a major reliever of his anxiety.
Now I’m not all that anxious as of late since I made the decision to love full-time, but in the morning when I start work, I do at times feel a little on edge, and it sometimes sets the tone for the entire work day. And it’s weird because the anxiety doesn’t seem to stem from me or any of my thoughts. My workload isn’t soul crushing, and no one is breathing down my neck to get any one thing done.
So why the hell was my heart racing?
I’m just going to see if it’s the caffeine. As much as I love the taste of a warm brew in the mornings, I’m wondering if that is the reason why I feel slight anxiety the moment I sit down in front of my desk each morning.
It’s worth a try right?
I’m going to be documenting this experience each day, starting tomorrow, Friday 2/27/14. But I will keep the daily moans and groans private until the experiment is over. By Friday of next week, I’ll share with you the daily log of how I felt each day without caffeine. That way you can read the entire experiment at once, and who knows, maybe you’ll uncover a thing or two about caffeine and the way it makes you feel as well.
Let the games begin. And may the odds of making it through without going completely fucking ballistic be ever in my favor.