Did you do anything ceremonious when you left your twenties? Is there some sort of rite of passage I need to take part in? I feel like something needs to be put to bed, in order to enjoy my life in my thirties. Like there’s a few things I need to forgive, and a few things I need to bless before moving forward, so that I can really enjoy this new decade. This ‘thirties’. God I like the way that sounds.
I’ve already written the post I’m going to publish tomorrow, when it’s one day until I turn thirty.
Aside from today’s post, there’s only one more post I have to write (the day of my actual birthday).
This must be what Cinderella felt like the day after the ball. She must have woken up at dawn, looked outside of her shabby cubby hole and up at the castle she’d just left, wide awake and still dreaming of the night before.
Today’s the big day. I’m holding a gathering for my parents and Adam’s parents to meet for the very first time. This is thirty, everyone. His parents are meeting her parents. We are so adult now, you wouldn’t be able to tell us a part from an entire room full of them.
Music has a way of both saving us from every feeling, but also making those feelings come to the surface at full strength, which feels worse sometimes but in a good way.
I remember lying in bed crying and listening to Dashboard Confessional after a particularly innocuous (but what I thought was infuriating) blow from a guy that I liked when I was a teenager. It felt good to let those feelings come out because I really wanted to feel them. It’s perfect if you’re feeling depressed and you really just want to steep in your depression.
Do you have a go-to artist for every mood? Do you ever create playlists in Spotify for your different moods? If not, you seriously should, Spotify is insanely good at introducing you to new music, and allowing you to organize your music from “vacation mood” to “writing mood.” I have a “feel good” playlist for when I desperately need to feel good, and also one dedicated to “love”, of course, which contains the songs that make me feel love the most.
I just find music to be the friend you always have, the one that listens to you without asking too many questions, the one who cries with you when you’re sad and laughs with you when you’re happy. And also screams with you when you’re upset.
Did you guys have a screamo, punk phase when you were younger?
I certainly did. When I was 19, the type of music I listened to would make your mother cringe, but it always put me in a good mood. Loud, guttural screaming was relaxing to me. It vented my frustrations without me having to say a single word.
By the time I was 21, I think I was listening to a little mix of sad emo music, some screamo, and some alternative. Along with bands like Taking Back Sunday and Rilo Kiley. Those were probably my top two.
Mid twenties saw me finally transitioning to top 40 radio hits. I went to Vegas when I was 25, and I think that was when I first started clubbing even, and all of the songs were so insanely catchy! Like Empire State of Mind, by Alicia Keys and Jay-Z. I can remember being in a Vegas pool with a margarita in a big circle with my friends, and everyone just really getting down to that song. As well as “All I Do Is Win” by whoever. I just couldn’t get enough of those dancing tunes. And by the time I got home from that Vegas trip, I was full blown addicted to whatever they were playing on KIIS FM and 97.1 AMP radio.
It was just music that made you happy, and reminded you of dancing your ass off in a club with a drink in your hand. And those were special, special times.
After that Vegas trip, I was completely transformed, and started loving both dance music AND sad music. And to this day, it kind of remains the same.
Now it’s more like I love all types of music. Especially those playlists on Spotify, made by the good people who work at Spotify. There’s just so much good stuff out there to save you from every feeling. (Or to exacerbate it.)
Mostly I love how it saves you from your head by quieting it. It puts you in a delightful mood when you’re grumpy. It sometimes even takes me places from your past, reliving certain things, calling into the light certain experiences, things you might have missed. It’s also really good stuff for fiction when it transplants you to another place, and you can’t help but write down the feelings that come over you.
I wanted to link you to a few good songs in this post, but my power went out last night, and it’s still out this morning, so I’m using my phone to write this post. Life is so adventurous I swear, no two days are ever alike.
Wishing you a beyond wonderful day and happy Friday!
Even after all this time, the sun doesn’t ask anything of the earth.
What’s been calming me down lately is pretending I am a cloud, and then sometimes, a planet. Both are mere observers, and the Tao Te Ching tells us we are witnesses to life happening before us. This keeps me from interacting with it so much, from throwing myself into every situation and trying to control it. It’s much more relaxing to let people and things be who and what they were meant to be.
It’s official. I am one week away from turning 30. Wow. What a journey. What a trek! Do you ever sit back and look around at your life and think…how did I get here? How did I go from infancy to grown ass adult, making assumptions about the world and experiencing every morsel with wonder and at the same time, unease?
Have you ever used your hobbies and side projects to make yourself feel better?
When I was little, my sister’s friend was really mean to me when we were at acting camp. I think she said something to the effect of “you have no friends”, which was true at the time because we were at camp and I hadn’t really made friends, but it still hurt.