Hi there! Welcome to my blog! I love, love, love talking about all things metaphysics, writing, and blogging. My hope is that you leave here feeling much better than when you came. It's great to see you!
I’D LOVE TO…
I’m writing again. I’m obsessed with writing. I’m sitting here on a couch with my legs propped up looking out at the ocean. It’s better than perfect. I’m staying in Laguna Beach with my stepmom, and I have my own beach front unit with an ocean view. Here, crickets make sounds in the daytime, and a red trolley passes by every fifteen minutes or so. I’m popping mini dark chocolates and watching the people breeze by. It’s life right out of a movie, meaning it is unreal.
Well, it’s over. I survived my first blog panel. I’m having a glass of wine and watching Heaven is For Real, and Adam is at a soccer game at the Rose Bowl. But the panel is over, and wow. Sometimes when you speak in front of people you don’t know, afterwards, you feel like there isn’t anything you can’t do.
How would you complete this sentence?
I feel most alive when…
If you had asked me that question a week ago, I’d have said when I’m writing. And maybe that still rings partially true. But a couple of days ago, I was walking to the store on my lunch break, and I realized I feel most alive when I’m struggling.
Struggle has a negative connotation. It sounds as though you’re in pain, or you’re going through hardship, or you need help. I don’t necessarily need help. My struggles are the sort of normal struggles every human goes through, in terms of juggling hopes, dreams, money, career, and happiness.
This blog photo made lovingly with PicMonkey
Yesterday I attended a funeral for a friend’s father. His passing was a sudden one for the family, and the air in the funeral home when I walked in was dark and somber. Alternatively, the actual funeral home itself was beautiful inside. The ceiling had lights that changed colors, and lit up like a starlit sky.
Going in, I steeled myself against the emotional riptide threatening to envelop me, because a funeral for a father hit too close to home. The funeral flyers, the flowers, the family portraits. It was all too easy to fall apart. But I told myself in the most loving way possible, that this wasn’t my father’s funeral, and to remain focused on celebrating the memory of the father my good friend had just lost.
It has been crazy weird, and crazy tough.
Moving my stuff out of my apartment last Monday night, I was hit with a panic attack that was as slow moving as a mudslide and just as destructive. It lasted the entire night, and slowly started to subside the following afternoon.
I’m really excited right now because I’m eatin. Food is soooo freakin’ delicious I can’t even think about anything right now but this tangy wonderful caesar salad I just got from Starbucks. Adam always makes fun of me because I always classify all food that we eat as tasting sooooo good.
But it just is.
Photo Credit: Jaime Martinez
Below is part of a weekly series called What Does This Remind You Of? Learn how you can participate at the bottom of this post!
This picture immediately reminds me of a book I read not too long ago called New Self, New World by Philip Shepherd. There’s a part where Shepherd talks about how when he was younger, he would repeatedly try and dip his full body nude into a river that was freezing cold. I forget what he was trying to accomplish, having read it so long ago, but since the book was about getting out of the head and more in tune with the self as a whole, I feel like his efforts to dip into the freezing cold were his way of doing just that.
There’s too much information out there. I feel like I’m buried beneath it. There’s too many projects I want to do and things I want to work on. How are we supposed to swim through it all?
Sometimes there’s no solution for me but to lie down and forget about it. Or blog about it. Sometimes the weight of the things I want to do becomes so intense that it crushes me and I feel paralyzed by it. There’s giveaways, sponsorships, guest posts, SEO, videos, online learning, short story contests, paid writing submissions, advertising, affiliate marketing, strategy, organization, design, and the list goes on.