March 22, 2014

001

There’s too much information out there. I feel like I’m buried beneath it. There’s too many projects I want to do and things I want to work on. How are we supposed to swim through it all?

Sometimes there’s no solution for me but to lie down and forget about it. Or blog about it. Sometimes the weight of the things I want to do becomes so intense that it crushes me and I feel paralyzed by it. There’s giveaways, sponsorships, guest posts, SEO, videos, online learning, short story contests, paid writing submissions, advertising, affiliate marketing, strategy, organization, design, and the list goes on.

These are a few of my favorite things, and right now I’m feeling really crushed by them. I don’t want to become one of those people that gets overwhelmed and consumed by their work. Of course, there is the idea of, “Find what you love and let it kill you,” and considering the way I’ve been killing myself recently to work on the things that I love, I feel like that is partially okay because there’s something romantic about it. On the one hand, I can’t sleep past 7am because I want to get up early and work on my favorite things. But on the other, I don’t want to become stressed out, and I don’t want to shut people out. There’s a happy balance out there and it’s up to me to find it.

Right now I just feel like all I want to do is barricade myself in my studio and write, write, write, and learn, learn, learn and create, create, create, and never see the light of day. Lately this is all I want to do. I can’t explain it and there’s no reasoning with me. But on top of it all, I can’t be a hermit. I can’t. I have to experience the world, and be in it. I do love it, in fact.

But I just feel…paralyzed. Crushed by everything I’m working on, but it’s like, a strange crush because it’s a crush that I like. A weird crush that’s crushing me because I’m working on things I can’t for the life of me stop working on nor do I want to. I need to learn to swim slowly through the information I wade through. I feel like in this day and age, there’s so much shit coming at us all of the time, that we can’t focus on one little thing.

That’s how I feel today, and how I’ve felt the past week. There’s so much I want to learn, that when I’m in and I’m learning, I can’t focus on a single sentence because my brain is skimming so quickly through it to absorb it as fast as possible. But it’s a paradox because I’m trying to absorb it so quickly that nothing is getting absorbed.

Maybe this post is just me having a panic attack and writing it all out. I think I need to take a hot shower.

Monique Muro

Monique is an exceedingly happy human from LA. She runs the blog A Novel Quest, and writes. A lot.

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  • Deanna

    You are not alone. I’m right there with ya! I just keep telling myself,”slow down, this isn’t a race”. And I ask myself “is THIS training really important right now or can I let it go for a few weeks/months?”
    Good rant!
    Keep writing,
    Deanna

    • Monique Muro

      Thanks Deanna! I’m really trying to slow down as best I can. I’m also going to just try and get out in the open air when I feel like I’m being crushed by everything…the open air is so healing :)

  • Nona Snyder

    amazing post….i’ve learned to live for the moment and try and enjoy all…your post gave me inspiration for the day….

    • Monique Muro

      I’m so glad to hear it, thanks so much for stopping by Nona! :)