August 10, 2015


I like to think of my mid-twenties as the ‘dark ages’ of my life. It was definitely a mid-twenties slump. The light within me was clouded with a delusional need for love and acceptance, which left me tearful and alone.

I see a lot of twenty-somethings  struggling with these ‘dark ages’, where you feel alone, directionless, and a bit lost.

It’s because there comes a point in your twenties when you realize that it’s time to do something with your life. Whether or not you have a job or still live at home, you start thinking about what you were meant to do here. This can be really unsettling and confusing, because you get the feeling that you’re aging,  and a lot of other people your age are doing a lot of really awesome things, and you feel like your time is running out.

This period however, is really just an awesome period of self-evolution.

I didn’t plan anything for my life after I graduated from college. I grew up thinking everything just worked out. You went to college, you graduated, you found a good job and that was it. I didn’t think things got complicated, and no one really told me things would be weird and hard. But they freakin’ were!

Even though I’d found a job and moved out of my parent’s house by 25, I was really depressed. I would get off work and feel so empty and lost and alone. What were you supposed to do after work? TV was super boring, and back then Netflix binge-watching wasn’t really as huge as it is today (I’m sure it existed though). But still I had zero interest in watching TV, and even though I loved going online, I didn’t really have anything I was working on or researching so that was also a bore.

It was sad and depressing. I would cry and watch Lady Gaga YouTube videos. I would hope that one day I’d be able to find something to do with my life. I would cry because I didn’t know what that something was! And I felt like my life was slowly slipping away and I was getting older and older and had no clue what I would do as a career for the rest of my life.

Thinking back almost makes me tear up because it was such a dark, depressing period. I knew I wanted to write, but there was something still ‘not good enough’ in my mind about it, and I just felt like it wasn’t a lucrative option, even though I enjoyed it.

And really, I wish I could take this depressing period away from anyone currently experiencing it in their twenties, because it truly, truly does suck and feels like there’s no hope at all.

But this is where the self-evolution happens. I mean look at your badass self, sensin’ when things are off! Bravo that you want more out of life, and bravo for really feeling it. It shows you that you’re in tune with feeling like you have a higher purpose, and that you’re connected to something deep within you, calling out to get your attention.

This is a wonderful, wonderful gift. When you’re at your lowest, gifts materialize. (Of course, because life loves you!) And you start to slowly evolve into someone who feels a call to do something more with their lives, or something different. You go from someone who was going through the motions of day-to-day, to realizing you’re someone who wants to be living moment for moment, seizing all of the gifts and abundance life so willingly gives us. You grow (slowly) to realize that everything you need is already within you, and you start realizing placing your happiness in the hands of other people is not necessary. Like ever. (Taylor Swift voice).

The gift that materialized for me was blogging. It was through these dark ages that I started this blog, and eventually it was what catapulted me out of my loneliness, and into a world of learning, connecting, growing, and loving myself way more.

Of course, there’s no step-by-step process for pulling yourself out of that lost and directionless state. (Although I’m the first to admit that having a side hobby like blogging or creating in some way is a good step!) It all comes down to love and trust. Love has a way of being a solution for everything once you let it in. You start to love the process of feeling out of sorts, and see it as a reminder to be gentle with yourself.

And the trust part is so huge, because you have to be vulnerable and let go of your need to figure everything out. The ego is always trying to figure everything out, and while I’m thankful for its efforts, the truth is you have to go at your own personal pace, one that was meant for you in the precious timeline of your life. Things are going to work out in the perfect way for you, just when they’re meant to. And as the old adage goes, the teacher appears when the student is ready.

Sometimes it’s just required to go to dark places to see the light.

Did you ever go through a mid-twenties slump? Or was there another point in your life when you felt like you had no clue what you were doing here on this earth?

Thanks for reading! This post is part of a 30 days to 30 series, read all about it here

Share or Pin this post with your about-to-be 30-year old friends below! Or your 30+ friends :)

Monique Muro

Monique is an exceedingly happy human from LA. She runs the blog A Novel Quest, and writes. A lot.

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