Did you do anything ceremonious when you left your twenties? Is there some sort of rite of passage I need to take part in? I feel like something needs to be put to bed, in order to enjoy my life in my thirties. Like there’s a few things I need to forgive, and a few things I need to bless before moving forward, so that I can really enjoy this new decade. This ‘thirties’. God I like the way that sounds.
“I’m in my thirties,” I’ll say to people when they ask.
*Spine quiver*. Still sounds new and weird but it’s definitely cool. I feel like they’re the ‘adult’ party years.
Back to blessings.
I want to bless the years that have passed, so that I can step into every new second lighter, and lifted. If you’re about to turn 30, maybe you can take snippets from this to include in your own blessings, if you’re into that. Here goes.
Every single breath, moment, and blink of the past decade has happened for me. I want to thank you, decade, for happening for me. I want to thank your struggles, your heart wrenching pain, the bullets in my heart and head, and all of your cuts and bruises. I love the wisdom that my pain brought. I loved those feelings of liberation, those powerful surges of knowledge, and faith. I loved the story and I loved the telling. I loved stepping into the shoes that took me everywhere, and the people that protected and loved me.
I loved the silent messages from God, creeping into license plates, heart-shaped puddles, and radio songs. I loved the anxiety-induced mornings, which taught me to recognize imbalances in my life. I loved the car that broke down, the car that crashed into a wall, and the car that now takes me anywhere I want to go.
I love the people you brought to me, the people who dismissed me, and the people who love me. I love my sister, and my family, and my Adam.
Thank you for taking me places and showing me love. Thank you for showing me sky, perseverance, and writing.
As for that silent voice inside of me, that I’m only now starting to hear, thank you for allowing that. Whatever happened in the past decade that allowed me to tune into that inner voice, thank you for bringing it to me.
Thank you for showing me direct eye contact with fear. It’s more beautiful the longer you look at it, and you start to see the shape of it for what it really is: false evidence appearing real.
I bless the decade for what it was, and for what it taught me. I bless the steps I took, and the things that showed up for me. I bless the candles and the tears, this boldly beautiful blog, and every dog I have ever pet. I bless, bless, bless these last ten years with all my heart, for all it’s taught me. So much love is going into it right now, you’d think it was love to begin with. (wink wink).
I bless with love the things that destroyed me (mostly past, bad relationships). They have taught me how to beat myself up and put myself back together again. They taught me that people aren’t truly awful, they just don’t feel loved.
I would like to bless MySpace (SO HARD) for giving me something fun to obsess over as a twenty year old. Bless college. Bless the combination of boots, a pretty coat, and lipstick. God bless white chocolate mochas on early morning commutes. (MMM).
Bless the kids I used to babysit, the guys I made out with at parties, the alarm clocks I slammed to death, and all of the time I spent at the gym for other people. Bless the business schools that didn’t accept me, and the miles and miles I ran while training for the half-marathon. (Best high ever).
Bless beer. Bless zombie films. Bless Vegas trips. Bless old friends I wish I could see again. Bless old moments I’ve held onto, bless the letting go.
Bless impromptu hair cuts, birth control mood swings, and Olivia Wild.
Bless the knowing that at every point in your life, you were doing the best that you could with the information you had.
Bless poetry, soap operas, horror movies, job searching, and the blissful effects of champagne. Bless envy, epsom salt baths, ice cold tequila shots, 10-mile runs, house parties, Australia, and good running shoes.
God bless guacamole. God bless that very much.
And bless you, 2005-2015. You cracked me open so I could see what was inside. You taught me that life was a lot of going on and on and on and that there was beauty in that. You taught me it was none of my business what goes on inside other people’s heads. You taught me to crawl out of the shell that was low self-worth and into the sunshine of self-love.
So for all that, I thank you twenties, I love you.