I’m thinking about my high school reunion tonight, and the scary fact that it’s been a decade since I graduated from high school. To me, high school seems about as far away as preschool was. I have blurred memories of hating to take tests, wishing I was popular, and falling in love from a good distance with the ‘drama’ guys who performed in every spring musical. I remember getting glared at by a gothic chick for staring at the dark posters in her locker, improvising my summary of To Kill a Mockingbird in front of the class, and getting anxiety attacks about having to run a mile in P.E. I hated all of my Spanish teachers. One time, I laughed so much in my art class, the guys at the table next to me called me a ‘tweaker’.

I remember thinking the popular girls were perfect.

This was not the high school I graduated from though. I left this high school at the end of 10th grade and never looked back. I went to live with my mom in Los Angeles and ended up at an even worse school, where I graduated and also never looked back. But I’m not going to the reunion for the school I graduated from (if there even is one), because the only bonds I formed at that school are with people who I’m still in touch with, and there’s no reason for me to revisit anything there. The people I went to school with from 4th – 10th grade though, those are real keepers. Those were the people I grew up with. And even though I didn’t walk with them in 2003, I feel like there’s a piece of me that graduated with them.

Looking at where I was then, compared to now, it’s absolutely horrific, as it should be. But I don’t want to say “I wish I was the way I am now, back then. Then things would have been better.” Because it’s not really the truth. Nor, in my opinion, do I think it’s even possible. You can’t get to where you are now, without having to go through where you were then. You have to know what jealousy feels like before you can overcome it. You have to hate yourself before you can learn how important it is to love yourself. So no, I don’t wish I was never awkward in high school. I love that I was awkward, because I love myself now, and I am so fucking willing to embrace my fetal stage. (Weird word choice haha. Fetal? Let’s go with it.) It’s beautiful, getting to new stages in life, and new cycles. Seeing myself as a depressed and unconfident teenager makes me feel even more love for myself because it’s like watching your child go through it. It was a piece of me, and it’s a time that will always be precious. Kind of like those horrible breakups in my early twenties. But I could write novels about those.

At any rate, I’m reminiscing in the best way. I have a really great feeling about tonight, and harbor no ill will towards anyone. I don’t secretly hope the popular girls got fat and divorced with 4 kids (although I do sort of hope the ‘I’m too hot for life’ popular guys endured their fair share of wake-up calls.)

Also, I wanted to update you and let you know that I’m working on joining a program that will let me give cool stuff away to you guys. The only trouble I’m having is deciding what sorts of things to give away. I figured I’d just let you guys decide and let me know. Would you mind taking a look at the list below and letting me know what kind of cool giveaways you would enjoy the most? (It’s free for me and even free-er for you so don’t be shy and tell me what you’d like!)

I’m trying to keep them as gender-neutral possible as well, since I have a nice mix of guys and gals in my subscriber list and would like to keep it that way.

1. Gift cards
2. Books
3. Other

As you can see, I’m out of ideas. Let me know what kind of cool stuff interests you so it can be like Christmas here erry’ week. Just comment with some cool stuff. Right now. Do it. I’ve even installed Disqus, an awesome commenting platform, at the bottom of this post so it’s easier than ever to comment with things that you want, like “cars!” or “cash moneyyy!!”

Thanks.

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Monique Muro

Monique is an exceedingly happy human from LA. She runs the blog A Novel Quest, and writes. A lot.

Latest posts by Monique Muro (see all)

• See Ya, Twenties! [1 Day to 30] - August 25, 2015
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• We Made It Perfect [3 Days to 30] - August 23, 2015