Well, not hugely upset, I’m just…off.
Moving is such an off period. I know it’s supposed to be a transition period, and believe me I am embracing the chaos, as I’ve mentioned before. But I’m struggling so much with this new adjustment. I absolutely love living on my own, but I’m slowly getting irritated with how long it’s taking to get settled in. I’ve been moved in for a little more than two weeks now, and I’m still living out of boxes, and the paint and wood smell that I used to love now churns my stomach. Not to mention I’m scared out of my wits more than half the time, because my cabinet under the kitchen sink was randomly open one night, when I swear I didn’t open it.
Add to that the fact that I don’t have internet, which is kind of huge for me, and you’ve got a spoiled, annoyed twenty something whining about not being able to whine on her blog. Theoretically, I have no real right to be upset about anything in my life right now, as everything seems to be falling into place. But humans weren’t meant to be happy all of the time damn it. In fact, I’m annoyed that when I do feel the slightest bit of anger, I’m always telling myself it’s not that bad and to chill out. But sometimes you really need to let the anger loose! And you know what really helps me let the anger loose?
Blogging. I seriously think that my inability to blog is the one thing that has been adding to my irritability lately. I haven’t been able to blog every other night like I used to, and I haven’t been able to expel a lot of the things I need to get rid of on a daily and weekly basis. So there’s a lot of waste and toxic thoughts building up in my body and mind, and they just go around poisoning everything. And I can’t stand not being some kind of productive after work. That’s another thing that bothers me. I come home during the week, and because I have no internet, I’m just sitting around, not sure what to do, dodging my kitchen area for fear that that damn cabinet will randomly be open, and opening all of the windows so there’s noise and air, so I don’t feel alone. It’s really just weird and nutty.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m sincerely loving my new place, but adjusting to everything, and being without internet, and living with stuff everywhere has seriously messed with my chakra. At least this week. I know I have the opportunity for peace inside of me, I just need to reach down and pull it out….
It’s funny how routine is so comforting. I used to be tired of it. Now I miss it.
I guess I just need to breathe and settle the fuck down. I need to be reminded that outside of the comfort zone is also where the magic happens, and that not everything is going to be fireplaces and comfy pillows. This of course, is something I’ve always known.
But then again, the things you always know aren’t always readily apparent when it’s your turn to know them.