1/14/2013 – a day that will forever remain engraved in my skull, as the day I applied to business school – two of them in fact.

 It was sometime in the spring of 2011 that I decided I wanted to go to business school. It was a lethargic and depressing time, as it was only a few months after my dad passed away, but it was a time none the less, and I didn’t have the energy to do anything about it.

But something happened in 2012. Something snapped inside of me, and while I intend to write an e-book one day about this whole experience, I’ll tell you now that it was an earth-shattering snap–The Snap Heard Around the World if you will, and I felt it deep inside the claws of my rib cage, and in whatever murky muck floats around beside the seaweed in my soul. I got the fuck motivated.

I bought an insanely expensive online study program to prepare for the GMAT, the test of all tests to get into business school. It was almost a year ago today that I did that. Thinking back on it…poor me. I had no bloody idea what the hell I was in for, and if you’re a potential business school applicant, unless you’re fucking serious about this, I’d go ahead and turn back now.

After months of studying, panicking, crying, and nightmaring about that dreadful test, I took it. Not once, but twice. So overall seven months of panicking, nightmaring, and so forth. Afterwards, I partied. I thought, hell, the worst of it is behind me, it’s all downhill from here!

I was a disgusting, grizzly, and horrible wrong. Those admissions essays damn near sucked the youth out of me through the pores of my very keyboard-typing finger  tips. Why, you only have to look at my last blog entry to know I was starting to talk crazy, staring for hours at my little Christmas tree, blasting Les Miserables songs of faded dreams, and cursing the system. (I honestly don’t think my little tree recovered). I may be taking it to the extreme, but it’s honestly how I felt, and to take it back would be to take out the human in me, which might make for a delightful X-files episode, should they decide to bring back the series. (Cue x-files theme song).

Either way, my fellow humans, I want to say woah. Before hitting those ‘submit’ buttons tonight, I had to take a second to pause and reflect, and be grateful for every ounce of effort I injected into those applications, before leaving them in someone else’s hands. And if you think the weight was lifted straight off my shoulders after hitting ‘submit’, you’re absolutely mistaken. As I slowly sip this glass of celebratory Pinot Noir, I can’t help but still feel a horrific tightening all over my body from the stress and anxiety that kept me glued to my computer screen the past three hours, as I painstakingly poured over every aspect of those essays and applications, to make sure they were all perfect.

Again, I say woah. I just took one year out of my life to contribute to something grand. And in this moment, this very one that passes me by each second I type, getting in is the least of my worries. Getting in is…the end of this chapter, which after all this, feels like a sort of ‘okay, fine’. Because as Alan Watt’s says, one doesn’t make the end of the composition, the point of the composition (in music). People would pay to go to concerts to hear one crashing cord! Cause that’s the end!

I can say with every guttural, musical, whimsical feeling in my body, that I understand now what he means, for I feel such pride at having finally accomplished this feat, this “I’m applying to business school!” statement I made a year and a half ago to anyone who would lend an ear, that whether or not I get in is inconsequential. (Although, sure, it’d be pretty great cause yeah return on investment and all that).

I did it, God damn it. I did it. I applied to business school. You tell ’em if they ask.

This is the song I listened to the first night I decided I was going to business school 😉

• Author
• Recent Posts

Monique Muro

Monique is an exceedingly happy human from LA. She runs the blog A Novel Quest, and writes. A lot.

Latest posts by Monique Muro (see all)

• See Ya, Twenties! [1 Day to 30] - August 25, 2015
• This Is My Official Goodbye Post [2 Days to 30] - August 23, 2015
• We Made It Perfect [3 Days to 30] - August 23, 2015