Blogging is oxygen to the internet’s lungs in the sense that it keeps all the moving parts thriving and pumping with life. There are more blogs than people named Doug. There are more blogs about how to blog better, than women named Stacey. There might be a couple about how to  blog horribly, and while this entire blog isn’t dedicated to such a daunting topic, this blog post is dedicated to all those blogs out there, this one namely, doing everything wrong.

Ladies and gents, this is how you have a horrible blog.

1. Never settle on a blog category. Once you’ve discovered you want your blog to be a diary about your life, realize your life isn’t all that interesting and change it to something about a quest to write a novel. Once you realize you’re not writing a novel anymore, change the topic of your blog to something like ‘personal growth’ and maybe structure each post to be kind of like a story, so you don’t forget your roots. Once you realize you’re not exactly happy doing that, change it again. This will throw people off every time, making them never want to return because they realize you’re a bunch of scattered puzzle pieces and they don’t have the time to put you together. (You need to be a bunch of scattered puzzle pieces to be horrible).

2. Make sure each post is no less than 1,000 words. By keeping your posts long and winded, people get tired of hearing about your crap. They read the first few lines, the last few lines, and then they think ‘ain’t nobody got time for dat‘ and move the fuck on. This is a great way to be irritating, and make people never want to read about you or even hang out with you.

3. Blog once a month. Because when people come to your blog and see that you’re rarely there, there isn’t a single fan big enough who is willing to wait around for you. And THAT is what makes a blog pretty horrible, because people get crazy when you don’t update them. And what’s worse, Google gets irritated, and excommunicates you to some sad, lonely, and ultimately horrible place.

Last but not least, tell your now zero following that this is going to be a post about three easy steps to blogging horribly, and carefully mislead them by actually writing down 4 steps. To top it all off, tell them there are about 35 more steps to a horrific blog but you don’t have time to go into them (because you’re a horrible blogger) and don’t even hint at them.

• Author
• Recent Posts

Monique Muro

Monique is an exceedingly happy human from LA. She runs the blog A Novel Quest, and writes. A lot.

Latest posts by Monique Muro (see all)

• See Ya, Twenties! [1 Day to 30] - August 25, 2015
• This Is My Official Goodbye Post [2 Days to 30] - August 23, 2015
• We Made It Perfect [3 Days to 30] - August 23, 2015