The first line from my first blog post two years ago today was “Courage comes from within.” At the time, I was confused as to why I was 26 with nothing cool to show for it, save for maybe an English degree. I realized that day two years ago, that I wasn’t going to be able to change anything in my life without the courage to start, no matter how small that start was. I had to dig deep down inside of myself and pull out the courage to start something, no matter how small, if I wanted to go anywhere.

I was completely, totally, and heavily directionless. My life seemed like a few years at one job, maybe marriage and kids down the line, and perhaps a few other jobs like the first. And while some people in their quarter-life-crisis realize they’re 26 and it’s time to sink or swim (or marry)–I floated. I started a blog, and I fucking floated. And it’s come a long way since that beautiful day in June of 2011, and I can say with much gusto that I am proud of it, and of me. That I put my mind to something, and I did it. And you can bet I’m going to keep on doing it.

I don’t want to launch into too much. People get bored with lengthy histrionics, as histrionic as I am. And I don’t feel like expounding upon my woes and how I’ve been healed, and how different I am now than I was then, because at some point, everyone finds something that heals them, big or small, for however fleeting, and the people who aren’t healed don’t want to hear about it. I will say this though–I’m glad I stuck with it. I’m glad I didn’t start and stop. I’m glad I didn’t give up. I’m glad I had the courage to welcome adrift Monique. I’m glad I never stopped after wondering “Will doing this even get me anywhere?” or “What am I even getting out of this?” Because once you start questioning what feels right, it feels wrong.

I don’t have a clue what this blog will do for me, and maybe I don’t want it to do anything for me except for what it already does: keep me going.

So happy fucking birthday bloggy blog. Here’s to growing old together.

This post is part of a weekly feature called the Passion Series…enjoy!

A lot of times we don’t do something we want to do because we feel like we can’t, or we don’t believe it’s within our power to do it. I watched a terrific talk today by Seth Godin, and I realized (for the bazillionth time), that being afraid to fail is crap. Yeah, not everyone is going to like your product, or ‘get’ the story you’re trying to tell. But we weren’t meant to please everyone. And as Seth Godin says, most of the people doing brilliant work are not popular, and there isn’t a single product out there that everyone likes.

This brings me to Leah Carey, a woman doing extraordinary work on her blog The Miracle Journal by documenting small miracles every day, and encouraging others to see the miracles in their daily lives. Throughout her interview below, she talks about how a simple 8 days of unexpected awesome in her life completely revamped the way she thought about her entire world. She went from being in debt and at a job she didn’t like, to facilitating a healthy relationship with money, and building a business coaching people to think about what’s right in their lives, versus what’s wrong. I truly admire her outlook on life, and the beauty/positivity that she is bringing to the world.

Here’s what she had to say.

Has blogging helped you in any emotional or creative way? 

I’ve struggled with varying degrees of depression throughout my life. When I started The Miracle Journal blog in January 2011, it was at a moment when I was feeling really down.  I was drowning in debt, had recently left an unhappy relationship but also wasn’t happy being single, and I was in a job as a website designer that I didn’t like with no opportunity for advancement. 

The Miracle Journal happened very organically – I had no intention of becoming a blogger! On the first day of January, an extraordinary “coincidence” happened and I put up a message on Facebook.  Then every day for 8 days, something equally extraordinary occurred and I chronicled those things for my friends on Facebook. After 8 days, I realized that something quite extraordinary was going on and I should document it more carefully.  That became The Miracle Journal, and from the moment I started it, it fundamentally changed my life and how I view the world.  

To be specific, I had been walking around fixated on the idea that there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed.  I was always trying to find the piece of the puzzle that I couldn’t quite see that would magically make my life okay.  When these things started happening in my life that I couldn’t possibly have created or controlled if I’d tried, it was like getting hit over the head by a two-by-four.  Suddenly I was going through each day wondering, “When will the next extraordinary thing happen?  What will I get to write about tonight?” In simple terms, I went from always asking, “What’s wrong?” to consistently asking, “What’s right?”

It didn’t change the fact that I had things in my life that I wasn’t happy about, but it helped me to start seeing other possibilities. I wasn’t as helpless to my circumstances as I had previously thought.  And seeing that opened up space for more extraordinary things to happen!

Has blogging daily/weekly helped you achieve any personal goals?

In the 2.5 years since I started The Miracle Journal, EVERYTHING has changed! I now work in a job that I LOVE as a journalist. I am challenged to grow each day, I get to do a lot of fun and interesting things and then write about them, my co-workers demonstrate their respect and appreciation for me all the time, and I get paid to be a writer! 

My relationship with money has changed drastically. My whole life I had thought I was irresponsible with money, a belief that was underscored by getting into such deep debt. Opening up to the possibility that there might be another option, I reached beyond my own fear and judgment that I was a bad person for being in debt, and asked someone who was good with money to help me.  We created a plan and now I have a sense of controlling my money rather than letting it control me.  I have been in debt-payment mode for 18 months and I’ve paid off approximately $20,000 – I never would have thought that was possible! The very act of making the payments each month is showing me that I am much more responsible than I gave myself credit for. 

I’ve fallen deeply in love and then discovered that I am capable of surviving deep heartbreak. I trust myself more because I have shown myself through this process that I am worthy of my own respect. Now people come to ME for coaching – a far cry from the girl who thought she was a total screw up and would never have anything work out for her!

Every one of those changes has happened because I started viewing the world through the prism of The Miracle Journal – what’s going right and how can I amplify it? – rather than focusing on what was wrong and feeling helpless. And it has all played out on the pages of The Miracle Journal, which has been amazing; I now have a community of people who reach out to support me in my journey and to ask for support in theirs.

Does the ritual of daily/weekly blogging give you motivation to pursue things you are passionate about?

Absolutely.  For quite a while I was blogging five days a week – it was my touchstone and it helped me to maintain this new mindset.  Now I blog two to three times a week because I’ve gotten so busy reaching out to share the miracles with others.  But those early days proved to me that I was able to start something and maintain it.  That’s something I hadn’t thought I could do. Hitting the one year mark and realizing that I was still as excited to be writing The Miracle Journal as I was the first month was a HUGE victory for me.  Then I started to believe that I could take on other projects that require focus, energy, and passion – I could write a book, I could have a relationship, I could build a business as a coach.  All of these things are a result of the commitment I made to myself and my blog!

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This post is part of a series on bloggers who have found direction or passion through blogging. If you would like to be featured in the Passion Series, please email me with responses to the above questions, and share your passions. Thanks!

See all Passion Series posts >>

I’m glad this blog didn’t get nominated for “Best Feel Good” blog because things aren’t always ‘feel good’ around here. Not that I don’t feel good–I do–but the more and more I blog, the more and more I feel like I’m doing it wrong. I have to tell you, I’ve been thinking about this blog so much lately, you’d think it was my actual child.

Basically, I worry about not providing enough good content. You would be surprised the amount of pressure bloggers get to provide good fucking content. Google won’t even bat an eye at you if it feels like you provide worthless fucking content. I read so much about how ‘good content brings this’ and ‘compelling content creates this’ and all the while I’m never really sure what my content is doing for my readers. I work for an internet marketing company, so I’m constantly reading up on the industry, and how important it is to have great content so your readers are engaged. But all of that makes me feel forced to fit this blog into a niche category, and just one, which I can’t stand. It’s like pop stars who want to be famous but don’t really know what kind of image they want to portray when they step on stage. They just know they love to sing.

That’s me. I just know I love to write. I’m not trying to blog on one specific category. I’m a million categories. I’m creativity, I’m art, I’m human, I’m happy, I’m love, I’m business, I’m gloom. There’s a reason this blog didn’t get nominated for “Best Feel Good” blog, because I’m fucking human, and things aren’t always good, and I can’t bloody write ‘feel good’ posts when I don’t feel bloody good! And for the past few weeks I’ve been trying to think of ways to spruce up the blog and make it so it had a direction…so it was a place were people could do X, and that was what the blog would be about…but I just can’t. I can’t fit myself into a category. I’m like a new species that’s indescribable and bubbling and infected and strange.

I know I’ve complained about this before, earlier on, when I was experimenting with the direction of this blog. Then I decided to just freakin’ write how I felt and was happy with that. Really happy with that. But now that I’m getting further and further into it, it’s hard to do anything with it when my content is all over the place. I work on the thing daily, trying to think of keywords to use and categories to trim down, and it all just sort of frustrates me that the digital market is so focused on outlining one goal and one strategy to do this or that with your blog, and so set on defining what the blog is about. Why can’t we just enjoy the thing without having to bloody define it? If it speaks to the right people, they’ll read. But then I suppose they wouldn’t even find the blog, or want to read on, if they didn’t know what the freakin’ thing was about.

I suppose this rant started because I was sitting here for 10 minutes trying to figure out what to write about. I’ve decided when you can’t think about what to write about, you’re trying to write about the wrong things. One thing is for certain, and that is…you have to be true to yourself. I never want to not be me here. This is the place to always and forever be me. I hate having to look at stats and track and analyze. Even though I love seeing the numbers go up, it just bugs me that the higher they go, the more I want to see them go higher, and the more I’m sacrificing myself to make that happen. And that’s just what it bloody comes down to.

I just want to do what I want and that’s it. I want to go to business school. I want to write about the experience here. I want to continue with my side projects (writing, designing, video editing), and write about them here. I want to make you laugh, make you hope, and make you happy to be alive, overall, in the process. I want to share inspiring stories, like in the Passion Series, because those are what get me going, those are what keep this journey of mine journeying, and I want to share that journey with you! And in the end, I hope you feel like you are going on a journey, or that you are motivated to embark on your own.

And shit, that’s just what it bloody comes down to. I love all the readers I have, and all of the people that enjoy reading my posts. And if you’ve subscribed and actually put up with me in your inbox a few times a week, I am forever grateful. But I am not a business consultant. I’m not an expert. I’m not a guru. I’m a writer. I’m an art lover, and I’m a flippin mess. I need to remember all of that on nights like tonight when I get frustrated, because I don’t want this to become a chore. I suppose it’s just the industry that bugs me. And I appreciate you listening.

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