This is the third time I’ve started this post. It’s 5:30am. There are exactly three twinkling stars staring at me from above. I asked them to show me love today.
The past couple of days have taught me a lot. My mind spins and spins, but at the end of the day, we are not going through life, we are growing through life, and I can only attribute this crazy mindset to growing pains. (Thank you Hay House radio).
I’m up and writing this morning, so this post will be somewhat short. Writing is all I ever want to do for the rest of my life, and I need to get serious about it. Last night I was really confused about what writing projects to work on, and Adam and I got into a discussion about what my overall ‘plans’ were for my writing.
The sad part was, it was hard to vocalize my plans. I knew that I wanted to write more, but I all I had were a handful of ideas about where to find more writing gigs, and no real plan on how to make more more money doing it.
My main excuse was that I didn’t have any time. Between working and coming home, cooking and working out, spending time with friends and family, there just wasn’t enough time to hunker down and start a writing career.
But then Adam said something that struck a chord in me. He said, ‘so maybe you don’t go out for awhile. Maybe you get up early, and you stay up late, and see what you can do.’
I used to do that all of the time, but I burned myself out. Before we moved in together, I was always up until 1 am blogging and coming up with ideas, then I’d get up early and see if those ideas bared any fruit. But when we moved in together, a part of me didn’t really want to burn myself out anymore. I enjoyed coming home and relaxing after work, and on the weekends we’d go do things, or lounge in front of the TV. And it took a few months but it taught me to relax more.
But now I’m confused, because while I love relaxing, I’m still antsy about not doing what I want to be doing, which is writing. So now the million dollar question is, how do I juggle burn out and relaxation?
I guess we can take some wisdom from the drummer from Whiplash (did you see that movie?). When you want something bad enough, you’ll do it till your fingers bleed. You’ll risk being made a fool of. You’ll wake up early and you’ll go to bed late. You’ll set aside the time despite your life demands. You don’t get discouraged.
At the end of the day, I don’t think writing could ever discourage me. I’ve received a couple of rejection email the past few weeks, and all it really means is that I get to keep trying. I know the writing I’m capable of, and I give it my damn best every time, so the rejections aren’t what get me, it just seems to be the length of time it takes to hear back, and then when I do it’s a rejection…that annoys me. I guess I wish rejections were swifter.
But all in all my hopes are still high. Adam tells me not to get my hopes up about things, but I like getting my hopes up. We are different in that regard. He doesn’t like to get excited about things until they are certain to happen, while I live in a constant daydream of excitement. I know where consistency will take me. And maybe consistency isn’t about bloody fingers and early, early mornings. Maybe it’s just he same thing every day at 6am and 10pm, for an hour and a half.
I think this note from the universe I received this morning is as good as any for all of us to hear: setbacks are only ever devastating when one thinks they’ll last forever.
I hope you get to work on the things you love today, or some time this week. Because when you can’t set aside some time for love, that’s when you really start making yourself sick.
Until next time.