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Photo credit: Kendi Skeen
I haven’t blogged in awhile. It’s because I lost a subscriber. When I lose a subscriber, I get in this weird funk for about a week. It’s not that I don’t want to blog, but I feel afraid to because I feel like something I’m doing isn’t right.
I’m calling it the Lost Subscriber Syndrome, or LSS.
After about a week I get over it. This must be what it feels like when writers get bad reviews on their books. They feel eh about the whole thing for a bit. They go back to binge-watching Dexter on Netflix, and they go back to their dark chocolate peanut butter cups from Trader Joes. Then a week passes and they go back to writing anyway because nothing else gives them the same feeling. Nothing else fills them up. So without question, without even thinking about it, they’re back on their laptops, typing away.
That’s what happened here. So, that’s it. I’m back.
Oh yeah. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I’m in bed right now and my room is a mess. There’s a foam roller in the middle of the floor, jewelry on the desk, spilling out of its box, and a lot, I mean A LOT of clothes lying around the room.But I’m happy it’s Thanksgiving, and I’m happy I get to spend some time with my family, gossiping about celebrities and the crazy people in our lives.
This also means that Christmas is officially here, meaning the budgeting can finally begin. I honestly have not even started my shopping. I always say I’ll start early but I never feel like it. Today I’m going to make a list of everything and get moving.
I’m also going to be listing some cool stuff in the sidebar of my blog in case you want to do some holiday shopping on Black Friday or Cyber Monday. I’m an affiliate for Mod Cloth, a super cute online store that sells dresses, office/apartment decorations, and a bunch of other awesome vintage stuff I can’t afford, which means I’ve got the inside scoop on all the sales their having. They’re giving 50% off on a metric shit ton of stuff, but I’m more obsessed with stuff for my apartment. Luckily ModCloth is doing an excellent job at catering to this obsession. I mean who wouldn’t want a bird door mat?
Alright. I’m late to Thanksgiving. I really hope you guys have an awesome day, and if you’re into the whole Black Friday madness…good luck to you!
Unwanted advice. Nobody ever asks for that, but I got a bunch of it today.
I took a sleeping pill last night because lately I haven’t been able to fall asleep until 230am or so (blame Dexter). When I woke up this morning I felt drowsy, but really relaxed. It was a strange feeling. Some negative feeling was missing, but I couldn’t pin point which one.
While still in my curious fog on the way to work this morning, I switched lanes on Venice blvd, and saw that the approaching car I moved in front of started tailing me big time, riding really close to my bumper, a way of letting me know I was going too slow and he was pissed. Now before I go on, let’s make two things clear: one, we were approaching a stop light, so I wasn’t speeding up for good reason, and two, when I ‘cut’ in front of him, he was a pretty decent distance away. He must have been going pretty fast because he caught up to me pretty quick. I guess the speed limit I was going was too slow for his taste.
When we got to the stoplight, he got in the left hand turn lane and pulled up next to me. He rolled down his window and said, “The next time you jump out in front of someone you should go a little faster. Life is too precious, my dear.”
Still in my sleeping-pill addled fog, I could do nothing but stare at him. He rolled up his window and inched forward before I could birth any kind of response.
As usually happens in these situations, I thought of something to say about a minute after it happened. I should have said, “If life is so precious my dear, you should have been going a little slower.”
This was the first piece of unwanted advice I was given today. Go a little faster when cutting in front of people. The world has its way of saying hello.
Later, I was at the gym after work and was approached by one of the trainers. Actually two trainers. One that walked up to me, and one that just so happened to be using the elliptical machine next to mine.
“Are you doing that on purpose?” the one that walked up to me asked.
“What?” I said.
“Making your knees go inward.”
Oh brother.
“No, I’m not sure why my knees do that.”
The one on the elliptical pipes up with, “It looks like they’re going inward because they’re overcompensating for something. Your knees are collapsing, and with gradual wear and tear they’ll get worse over time.”
I’m sure this was all said with the best intentions, but I wasn’t in any pain, and I felt great. They started in on how I needed to stretch my abductors and do some ‘Jane Fonda side leg lifts’. They said it could be my shoes.
“Well how do I fix this now? Should I be doing this machine with my knees facing more forward?”
They didn’t really have any answers, except the whole hip stretch thing, and then a follow up with “when can you come in?” which I took to mean they wanted me to pay for a personal training session to fix my apparently inward, collapsing knees. I made up some BS about how I don’t usually go there, and that I would work on my stretches and thanks for the advice!
I already know my knees have issues. Probably from all of the running I used to do. Which is why I was at the gym using the machines that aren’t so hard on my knees. Now you’re telling me I’m fucking up my knees on the very machines I thought they would be okay on?
I love my life. This unwanted advice was probably useful (I do appreciate the knee comments, really), but I could have done without it. Since I’m human and always learning/growing/complaining/trying to figure things out, my brain automatically started trying to figure out what the best way for me to handle this advice was. Should I take it? Should I ignore it? Should I try and find the good? Should I let it bug me?
I’m tired of trying to figure out how I’m supposed to handle situations. Sometimes I think blogging about them is the only way to hash it all out in my head. What’s your advice?
(Disclaimer: this blog post goes on and on about how excited Monique is about her new design. You’ve been warned).
Right now I feel like a kid in a candy store. Better. Like a kid in a candy store who’s walking away with the whole damn shop.
I got my blog re-designed. Professionally. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I cannot believe something that I’ve been wanting to do for over 2 years finally came to fruition in the most perfect way.
Ever since I started blogging back in 2011, I’ve been wanting a professional-looking blog design. The fact that I had to go out and actually hire someone to make it look nice was what always stopped me. I didn’t have the money, and I didn’t even know exactly what I wanted. The fact that I couldn’t just find a cool template through WordPress and install it in a matter of minutes is what stopped me from blogging back in 2009 and 2010. (Full disclosure: this is my third blog). I never wanted to stick with either of them because I was always so frustrated with not having a purdy dress for it.
Well, it’s got a purdy dress on now. Now, I feel more capable and motivated than ever to blog, write, and even tell more people about it. It’s like I have more confidence in it now because it looks better. I feel like I just opened up the front door to a new car on Christmas morning. Or like when you really, really like someone and they talk to you while you’re wearing your ugliest sweater. I am so, so happy. I can’t stop looking at it. It’s delicious. I want to just print it out and post it all over my room and my office and my car.
Pardon me while I gush. And didn’t I say I’d try and get this up by the 18th? Check me out, stickin to plans! The next step now is to invite people to sponsor, and also try and hold more give aways. And also more blogging about cool stuff (always).
I’m still also working on my other website project. I’m almost done writing another article for that one, but lately it’s been bumming me out because the design got so botched (in my opinion). I haven’t really talked about it, but I’m not 100% happy with the development work I paid for. What’s been preventing me from starting over with that whole thing is the fact that I paid so much money for it to look the way it does, so I’m still trying to decide whether to start over, or just have someone go in and pretty it up a bit. This week I’ll get moving on that. It’s been on hold since I’ve been obsessed with this whole blog re-design (and also Dexter. Damn that show. Damn it to hell).
The following is a guest post by Melissa Field, writer and blogger at Crossing Oceans.
For me, one of the things I had to unlearn after I started my writing journey was this: the only way to succeed is to never stop writing. Always move on after something doesn’t work out.
On the surface, it sounded like great advice. Don’t give up is the meaning behind it. But over the years I’ve come to realize that this isn’t the only way to succeed. It’s true that for some people just keeping their engine going for project after project has worked for them. But I started to wonder, how many successful authors wrote dozens of books before hitting it big? And how many wrote a few or even just one and hit it big? When I think of people who hit it big right away a lot of names come to mind. One of them being Katherine Stockett, who wrote The Help. The Help was her first novel and she spent five years writing it. I didn’t really care for The Help, it wasn’t my cup of tea. But I did get a huge lesson out of her story. I learned that believing in your book no matter what counts for as much, maybe even more, than writing endlessly.
I’ve even started to think this “just move on and write more” mantra was hurtful for me. It made me feel that when something didn’t work out it either wasn’t good enough or wasn’t meant to be. What I feel now is more important is to never, ever stop believing your work is good enough. No matter what. Don’t let anyone ever tell you when it’s time to move on. If you believe in something then keep on believing because it’s yours to cheer for. You created it and only you get to decide when you want to be quiet about it.
I now prefer to put the energy I used to put into generating tons of new material into other things. One is to just take care of myself, because if you burn out you aren’t going to be creating anything for a long time. Burn out is going to stall out your engine until you get the rest and peace that you need. I also put that energy into looking for fresh ways to promote what I do have, and also just into quiet time. I sit quiet and let new stories come to me. I don’t start writing in a panicked frenzy because I’m afraid if I’m not physically writing I’m not a writer.
Which brings me to the other reason this mantra hurt me: I couldn’t do it. And it made me feel I wasn’t cut out to be a writer. And that’s when I started asking myself if all successful writers are writing machines, and the answer was no. Some are Stephen Kings and create more material than I’ll ever have time to read. Some are Harper Lee’s and write one thing that was killing them not to write, and that’s enough for them. I then breathed a huge sigh of relief. I started to sing Kenny Roger’s song “The Gambler” as the theme to my writer’s journey. I find that the chorus says exactly what it feels like when I’m working on a project:
You got to know when to hold ‘em
know when to fold ‘em
know when to walk away
know when to run
I find this pertinent because with each project you really do need to know when to hold on, when to quit in the moment but not for good, and when to just walk away completely. This is the thing that no one ever really told me: that each time you write, when to stop and when to go on is going to be different. I just always see people repeating the same thing, “When you’ve finished a project move on. Start writing the next one.” It seems people have taken this black and white approach up as the only way. It’s far from the only way though, and sometimes you need a break instead of an outright new game plan.
It can be hard to know if you’re pushing on when you really need a break. Sometimes it’s hard to know if you’re taking a break when you should really walk away. I think this might be why people just toss something aside and move on so quickly. They don’t take a moment to reflect out of the fear that if you stop for a moment you’re done forever. Here’s the thing though: the more you just toss aside and rush on the more you’re losing faith in yourself. For each book you quickly deem not good enough or not right you’re risking subconsciously saying, “I don’t believe in it, and therefore me. I made the wrong choice in writing it, and I have to do better.” And the more you do so the more you’re losing your belief in your ability to know what to write, how to write it, and that you can succeed after you write it. What you need instead is to always tell yourself, “I’m putting this down for now, not forever, but for now. I believe in it, it’s good enough, and so am I. But right now what I need is a moment to breathe and get clarity.”
I’m not saying all of this to tell you to halt your process and just sit around. As I mentioned earlier it works for people, besides Stephen King you’ve got John Grisham, Isaac Asimov, Nora Roberts and Agatha Christie (who turned out an astounding 723 books!!!). I’m only trying to reassure people who don’t fit this style that it doesn’t mean they’re not fit to reach their goals.
These days when a story doesn’t sell right away I ask myself, “is it worth coming back to?” and if the answer is yes, I hold on. I wait until I have the energy for it again and go back in, seeing if it needs revising or just a new approach to my pitch.
What I wish I’d known when I started out was the advice to toss something aside and start anew was not going to motivate me. For me, that’s exhausting. I work with intense concentration on one project and I hold onto it because I know it’s up to me to keep it alive. It’s for me and only me to know when it’s time to walk away. And sometimes even after I’ve run away something happens, some spark goes off, and I go running back at full speed.
So whatever people are telling you about how the only way to make it is to just keep writing, keep churning out new, don’t worry about it. You have your own methods and your own speed to get where you want. You don’t want to give up on your version of “Harry Potter” because you felt the only way to succeed was to constantly create something new. And if you really feel unsure, turn on your speakers, play Kenny Roger’s “The Gambler” and enjoy the song. It’s got a happy beat and it might just get you tappin’ your toe and feeling good again. After all, each piece we write is a gamble, so you might as well have a nice theme song for your adventures. Here’s one final piece from The Gambler:
Now every gambler knows that the secret to surviving
Is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
‘Cause every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser
Written for A Novel Quest by Melissa Field, creator of Crossing Oceans
I’m very please to announce that the winner of A Novel Quest’s very first giveaway is….
Laura Jayne Johnson!
None other than one of my closest, long-time friends. Woo hoo! Thank you so much for participating, Lau! Congratulations!
I’m also pretty happy with how simple Promo Simple made this giveaway. I was a bit concerned about official contest rules and making sure that I was complying with the FTC and what not, but they made everything super easy to set up. I’m going to try and get another one going for December! Maybe something Christmas related. Who knows. Thank you to everyone who participated! All of your entries made me very, very happy 
And I’m so thankful you took the time to participate!
In other news, today is Friday (for most of you), which means (for some of you) that it’s payday, which means (for me only probably) that a blog re-design is in order! I’ve been waiting like a patient little lamb (?) these past couple weeks, and the time to decorate has finally come. As soon as I’m done polishing off this post, my ass is headed straight to Etsy to purchase a brand new look. And after I’m done purchasing that brand new look, I’m off to buy me a fancy meal, and by that I mean I’m walking over to Five Guys to sink my teeth into a delicious monster of a burger, and then hopefully watching episode after episode of Dexter (I just found out it’s on Netflix. You probably won’t hear from me for some time).
The boyfriend is at a Laker game tonight (lucky duck), leaving me to parade around in my comfys with nothing but saturated fat and half a bottle of wine. But it’s probably a good thing. In addition to staying up for the next 6 hours watching Dexter, I have a TON of writing and reading to do, and I’m putting together a Mursa Pie video of the entire year as well, so I should probably work a bit on that too. I already know it’s going to be the craziest video I’ve made yet. I’m experimenting with all kinds of audio and snippets from all of the crazy shit I record. It’s going to be an eventful night.
What are you up to tonight? This weekend? Any plans to go sky diving, binge drinking, or Christmas shopping? (All of the above, perhaps?) Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you, tomorrow I’m also going to be featuring a post by a fabulous writer/blogger I recently connected with named Melissa Field. She’s writing about writing (my favorite subject), and she’s got a great blog called Crossing Oceans, where she literally writes about nothing but feel-good stuff. Healing, spiritual awakening, writing, self-esteem…the entire gamut of feel-good. The other night when she reached out to me I was totally absorbed in her blog posts because they just made me feel better. I arranged a guest post for her here on the blog for tomorrow (my first guest poster!), and I hope you’ll take a peek. If you love writing as much as I do, you’ll definitely enjoy it. Also, if you’ve got some free time, I featured another wonderful blogger (I know right?) on last night’s Passion Series. Her name is Nona. She writes short and sweet posts and she loves Starbucks (now we have an instant bond). You can check out her feature here, and her great blog here.
Alright you crazy kids, I’m out for the night. Gonna go purchase that awesome blog design and pray that it’s a smooth transition. Also, that fried food smell is literally calling out my full name. Have a wonderful night!
This post is part of a weekly feature called the Passion Series…enjoy!
Nona Snyder is a sweetheart. I connected with her earlier this year when she reached out to me about my Passion Series, and she’s been a frequent visitor here on the blog ever since.
Her blog is all about personal growth, which I love. Her posts are never not filled with perspective, and opinions on the current state of affairs in politics. She also sometimes will write about what it’s like to have lost her father, as well as care for elderly parents. I definitely can relate to having lost a father, and I love reading what she has to say in that regard, because it makes me feel less alone.
Also, her posts are mostly short and sweet, something I’ve never been able to accomplish, and which I think is great for the limited attention-span of the world that comprises the internet. She’s a super frequent blogger, and you can see through her writing that it is a wonderfully positive outlet for her, as it is for myself, and thousands of bloggers everywhere probably. I am so happy to introduce you to her blog tonight, and showcase some of her work.
Here’s what she had to say.
Has blogging helped you in any emotional or creative way?
Blogging has been an amazing release for me. My life is in transition right now…blogging has helped ease my anxieties in sharing my thoughts and concerns and blessed to receive positive feedback.
Has blogging daily/weekly helped you achieve any personal goals?
Personal goals have been achieved through blogging. It has given me the confidence to seek or start my own support groups for caregivers…..it has also reinforced my own confidence in life. I’ve found through blogging, I’m not alone and we seek and receive support through the blog world.
Does the ritual of daily/weekly blogging give you motivation to pursue things you are passionate about?
I find blogging has enabled me to be less inhibited with personal desires…..I have a passion for news and helping others achieve their own goals. I’m now going to go back to school for a degree in mediation/negotiation as I embark on a new phase in my life.
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This post is part of a series on bloggers who have found direction or passion through blogging. If you would like to be featured in the Passion Series, please contact me through this form with responses to the above questions, and share your passions. Thanks! See all Passion Series posts >>
I’ve started this blog post three times already. That’s how you know blogging is terrible, terrible work. But it’s like Bukowski said. Find what you love, and let it kill you (amirite).
I feel like I’ve been writing a ton this past week, and I intend to write more, and more if more is not enough. I’m happy to say last week I got two guest posts published, like I mentioned a few posts ago, and you can find them live on Shanti Publishing and on a lovely little blog called A Caffeinated Brunette. Shanti Publishing is an actual publisher too, who helps self-publishers publish their books for reasonable prices, so needless to say I am VERY excited to now have a contact there. Deanna, the woman behind Shanti Publishing, has also invited me to write another guest blog post there in the near future, so I’m thrilled.
I’ve also been planning blog posts for this blog, as well as articles for that website project I told ya about at the end of my Plans post not too long ago. Everything I mentioned in that post has actually happened like I said it would, so I’m really excited about this once-in-a-lifetime follow through. And thank you SO much to the people who have entered my book giveaway. I’ve got 16 total entries so far, and I am beyond thrilled with that. If you haven’t entered yet, there’s only 3 days left, and I would love it. (You can enter here).
Writing is basically worship for me lately. “You are on this planet to tell the story of what you saw here” is a quote that keeps churning over and over in my head by Catherynne M. Valente. There’s something wonderfully finite about our existence in that quote. You are here (for now). You were some fungus on a rock and by some miracle you are here, on a laptop, listening to rainymood.com while writing a blog post because the vacuum roaring in the apartment adjacent is distracting your peace.
Now what. What will you write. What will you do. Your body will be dust in some unknown year so while it still has heat in it, while your heart is still pumping all kinds of blood through little blood tunnels to keep you alive, what will you say and who will you be. And maybe the memory of you will survive for fifty years, and maybe in 500 no one will remember anyone because everyone will have died off or traversed to Mars or the moon maybe, and soon no one will remember what life was like on earth or who anyone was and what would it matter if they did? We’re so small it’s comical. Have you seen planes in the sky lately? Have you compared the little people in them to the width of the sky? To your very limited view of the width of the sky?
It gives me chills.
I get carried away. But this blog is for my carried away-ness. I like getting swept up in those kinds of thoughts because it keeps me grounded, humble, and grateful for these very keystrokes. Lately writing has been my closest friend in a room full of them. I feel grateful to work hard at a decent paying job, and come home to my writing, to my little desk, and my little projects. I feel in some way this is where I’m always supposed to be.
Well howdy! This is my very first giveaway on the blog and I’m so excited to see you! I’m also excited to see who enters to win. The life of a blogger is similar to the life of a writer in that it’s pretty solitary for the most part, and you never know who’s reading, who’s reacting, and who cares, so I’m excited to see how many entries we get!
Here are the deetz. I’m giving away a book called ‘Damn Good Advice’ by George Lois. I actually stumbled upon this book at my mom’s house, and skimming through it got a real kick out of it. It gives wonderfully blunt advice on how to come up with great ideas in any industry: advertising, entrepreneurship, and/or the creative arts.
So I got a copy just for you.
The author, George Lois, was a real big shot in the advertising industry back in the 60’s, and his experience coming up with slogans and ideas for commercials has gotten him widespread notoriety and recognition. Some of my favorite advice from him is that ideas are not invented but discovered, meaning they already exist, they’re just waiting for you to find them. I love that advice because as a writer, it’s always more comforting to know that your next big plot twist is just sort of hovering in the air around you, rather than not existing at all. I also love his idea that work is worship, and that he loves being burnt out at the end of a fulfilling day. He said:
If you don’t burn out at the end of the day, you’re a bum.
He’s pretty intense, but I love it. I feel the same way after a night slaving away on this blog, and all of the other projects I have going on. I’m tired, but it’s good tired. It’s “I’m trying” tired. His advice smacks you in the face, and it’s like a terrific wake up call. In fact, he’s the one silently telling me right now that I need to keep going, even though it’s nearing 11pm on a Sunday night and I am stupid tired, because I made a commitment damn it! I said my giveaway would happen on November 11th and it’s happening on November 11th! I got the damn contest entry form ready and everything!
If you want to read some more blunt, yet terrifically inspiring quotes from his book, click here. To see what this book looks like on the inside (it’s really quite nice for people with short attention spans), click here. And if you’re a non-reader who is terrifically self-motivated with no need for this book–enter anyway. You could give it to that certain someone who could use a bit of hardcore blunt advice. You could even use it as a free Christmas present to give someone. Also if you win, how cool! You won something!
So here’s how it works: all that is required to enter the giveaway is your full name and email address. If you want bonus entries, the form gives you the option to follow me on Twitter, Instagram, or subscribe to the blog in general (if you’re not already). If you’re already doing all of that, I apologize. But even one entry is awesome because you are awesome for participating!
Another thing: the deadline to enter is this Friday, November 15th, 7pm PST. The official rules I think say November 16th but I think because there is a time difference issue that I am not sure how to fix. But for sure, the deadline is November 15th, 7pm PST. That is when the winner will be selected, notified, and shipped this short, sweet, and motivational book for every kind of passionate person out there.
So with that, I say, good luck! Enter away, and if you have any questions at all about anything, feel free to email me or comment below. I hope you win!