Hi there! Welcome to my blog! I love, love, love talking about all things metaphysics, writing, and blogging. My hope is that you leave here feeling much better than when you came. It's great to see you!
I’D LOVE TO…
This post is part of a weekly feature called the Passion Series…enjoy!
Stephanie Crandall makes me laugh, and she makes me think. And she really makes me want to watch TV. She’s a twenty something blogger from Connecticut blogging at Part Time Nerd not only about all things nerdy, but also the struggles of unemployment, which really hit me hard.
I remember what it was like to be fresh out of college and trying to find a ‘good job’. It was pure terror. If I’d have known a thing or two about blogging back then, I definitely would have done what she did and start a series called Adventures in Unemployment, where she dives into the day-to-day of what it’s like to be unemployed. Even though the tone of the series is somber, she had me cracking up about how she ate two whole pies over the span of a few days (just because she was craving pie) and how she finished 8 seasons of one show in a little over a week. I just find that hysterical in all of its awesomeness.
The Passion Series every Wednesday night here is about featuring people who have found their passions through blogging, and I chose to feature this gal tonight because I really feel like she uses her blog in the way that I urge a lot of people to use it as–an outlet for various interests, learning, and creativity. All of which eventually helps you discover things about yourself that may one day lead you to a place where you’re doing something you love for a living.
In this sense, I have this really weird feeling that the devotion Stephanie gives to her blog will pay off for her in some way. She gives great run downs of her favorite TV shows, and she absolutely has an entertaining writing voice. I could totally see her writing for a popular show review website of some sort. And I love her GIFs. That’s a resume bullet point right there, guys.
“Ability to incorporate perfect GIFs between perfect pieces of text.”
I really feel like employers who are looking to hire people should look towards bloggers–it really shows their discipline, writing skills, and capacity for critical thinking.
Here’s what Stephanie had to say.
Has blogging helped you in any emotional or creative way?
Most definitely, in both ways. Blogging has been there for me through the good and bad. It gives me the push to think harder and longer and push my creativity for new blog posts. It was also nice when I lost my job in March to have a place to talk about it.
Has blogging daily/weekly helped you achieve any personal goals?
Keeping the blog open has been a huge goal for me. I had tried starting other blogs in the past, but weeks or months in I’d forget about it and just not care. The fact that I’ll be heading into 2 years come December is astounding to me.
Does the ritual of daily/weekly blogging give you motivation to pursue things you are passionate about?
In some ways. The blogging and vlogging community has given me a boost of motivation to go for my passions. Seeing others able to find what they’re passionate about and make headway to achieve it is amazing. Keeping up with the blog, giving me a routine, is a great start.
——————————————————————————————-
This post is part of a series on bloggers who have found direction or passion through blogging. If you would like to be featured in the Passion Series, please contact me through this form with responses to the above questions, and share your passions. Thanks! See all Passion Series posts >>
Two things changed my life yesterday: Evernote, and the Coursera mobile app. Let’s start with Evernote
If you’re anything like me, you’re constantly absorbing everything internet. I eat internet. I sleep internet. I would speak internet if I could. The problem here is that there’s so much coming at me all of the time, it’s hard to hold onto the things that are really cool that I want to save for later. Half the time I’ll stumble upon something inspiring and store it in a million different places. I have like a zillion poetic lines and website ideas stored in everything from Google Drive to the Notes section of my phone. Everything is so scattered and it sucks.
I have goals. You have goals. I have favorites. I have snippets of text that I like. I have pictures I love. I need reminders. I need motivation. I need a place to store my mottoes, my grocery lists, my potential children names. I used to just throw it all in my phone or whatever was easiest to access when the moment called for it but now! Now there is a solution. Now I have discovered the fucking excellence that is Evernote. And it syncs to ALL OF YOUR DEVICES. I’ve got a Mac, a PC, an Android tablet, AND an iPhone. I haven’t been able to find a service that lets me sync everything so I can access it from any device, at any time. Until yesterday
How badly do I sound like a commercial right now? I promise I’m not getting paid for telling you this
But this Evernote story started out Everhorribly. I’d heard of Evernote before, but was too lazy to try anything new until a coworker last week suggested it when he saw me using another task management app, Asana. So yesterday I decided to try it out. I registered, neglected to watch any of the videos on how to use it, and just dove right in
And you know what? It was fucking terrible.
It sucked. I hated it so bad. I was so frustrated. I couldn’t make a new notebook when I wanted to, I was having trouble sorting, it was a big mess. I closed it, and almost never looked back. Then for some strange reason I told myself to give it another chance. But did I go back to their website? Did I actually seek out the ever loving team at Evernote? Absolutely not. I went where everyone on the planet goes when they don’t know how to do something. I went to fucking YouTube. That’s where the people are.
I ended up finding this AWESOME tutorial on how to achieve goals with Evernote by some guy named Scott. After I was done watching it, I was freakin’ hooked. And now I feel like a brand new person. I feel like someone just cleaned my apartment for me. And organized all of my mail. Everything is sooo shiny. I can store screenshots, I can set reminders, and in the app I can even snap photos of shit I want to save for later…including DOCUMENTS! This is just too awesome to talk about any longer without going over the top, so I’ll stop. But truly, give it a whirl.
Second life changing thing? The Coursera mobile app. This is a shorter story, I promise.
Coursera is free school. You can literally take any online class you want there for free. I can’t stress this enough, guys. Free. (What’s that, business school? Did you say something? I didn’t hear it, I was too busy getting a free education.)
I’m currently taking a free online Stanford class through Coursera called Organizational Analysis. It’s 6 weeks long, and totally legit. You can even earn a distinction. I took this class because I’m obsessed with learning about how organizations tick, being that I’m going to form one at some point in the not too distant future. I sort of want to know a thing or two.
The class was going great until I fell really behind. I couldn’t squeeze in the right time to listen to the lectures between working all day, blogging, and trying to work on my new website side project. Coming home and having to sit in a chair and listen to lectures was just excruciating because I really just wanted to blog, write, and read. As much as I love learning, I just couldn’t get in the mood to listen to a professor after a long day of work.
Then I found out that Coursera has a mobile app, and that you can LISTEN TO ALL OF THE LECTURES ON YOUR PHONE WITHOUT AN INTERNET CONNECTION. Sorry for the caps, but do you realize what this means. You literally only need to have phone battery to learn any freakin’ subject you want. (Granted, the app is $3.99 but seriously, I pay more for coffee). The time we live in guys, the time we live in…
So basically, I’ve been listening to my lectures while I drive, and it’s been working out BEAUTIFULLY, since my commute has gotten really dull, and the radio these days just gets my blood pressure up (if I hear Bruno Mars or Holy Grail ONE more time…). I just find it so amazing that we can learn anywhere. There’s literally no excuse not to, if you want to. And I so want to!
So much awesomeness, it feels like Christmas. And the week’s only just begun…(Carol King, is that you?)
(UPDATE: Correction, the Carpenters sang “We’ve Only Just Begun”, not Carol King…thanks, hindsight).
This is going to sound incredibly off, but I just finished writing about a blogger named Kim Dalferes who published a post on turning 50, and I have to say–I wish I was fucking 50. Here’s why. And I quote.
“One of the many facets of turning fifty, which I most appreciate, is that fifty brings perspective. At fifty I have arrived at the party. At fifty I have become comfortable in my own skin. Now don’t get me wrong – I always have room for improvement. But I find that as I enter this fifth decade I have now grown into my looks and my personality. I’m loud, I laugh at all the wrong parts of a movie, and I accept who I am. Fifty feels good; like a well-fitting red coat that looks perfect with the right pair of black boots.”
I’m sorry, but is there a better fitting description for fifty than that? I think what I most envy about the spirit of being 50 in this quote, and in this blog post, is the “I’ve finally grown into my own personality” mentality. I feel like when you’re fifty, you’re just over everything. You’ve loved, you’ve married, you’ve had kids or dealt with a lot them in one way or another, you’ve had a career (or some version of it), and you’ve just about seen it all. There’s a particular wisdom that seems to come with being fifty that I am for some reason envying tonight.
Well actually, I know the reason–perspective. It just seems like it would be wonderful to have some kind of perspective on the way things are. To have a sort of ‘been there, done that’ mentality, and to be comfortable in your own skin. I’d say more than half of the time I’m comfortable in my own skin, but the rest of the time…hoooo-weee! Sometimes I walk around wondering who the heck I am. Am I really all that confident? Am I really all that smart? Should I be reserved or outgoing? Should I laugh loudly and be silly, or give off an air of maturity? (75% of the time I say ‘fuck it’ and just be me). I still get shy talking about myself to large groups of people. I still would rather hang out in my comfort zone than do anything incredibly daring (for the most part). I still feel some sense of awkward when I meet new people, and feel like a teenager at times, wondering what people think of me. But maybe that doesn’t ever go away. Maybe that’s just something that gets smaller with age, rather than disappears.
I was reading some of the comments from the blog post that Kim wrote about turning 50, and they made me tear up a little bit. So many women commented about how much they loved life, regardless of their ages. Not only did they comment, but they left wonderful little tidbits of wisdom and their mottoes for living life to the fullest. It made me feel like a 15-year-old, hearing about how old some of them were, but at the same time completely fulfilled and boldly looking forward the decades before me. Here are a few that you might enjoy.
“All decades bring challenges, obstacles, and joys.”
“Enjoy your time, wherever you are. Make it your own.”
“Enjoy your thirties – they are awesome! Can I give you just a little advice? Moisturize, and wear a really good bra!”
“Yes 50 is great and does the number really matter when you feel good and life is full love love, joy, fun and abundance?”
Am I right?
All decades bring challenges, obstacles, and joys, so if I had to nail down one description of my twenties thus far, it would be that they’ve been a tapestry of dark and light, an awakening to love, an appreciation for existence, and acceptance of mystery.
This post is part of a weekly feature called the Passion Series…enjoy!
Kim Dalferes is one of my new favorite bloggers. Her blog posts are so full of perspective on life, wit, and humor that I literally just read through a metric ton of her blog posts because I couldn’t get enough. I especially enjoyed the post on turning 50, which I’m totally blogging about tomorrow. Thank you for the inspiration!
So here’s the deal with Kim, or as they call her on her blog, “Kimba”. She hails from Florida and just published an awesomely titled book–I Was in Love With a Short Man Once. I think we can all relate a little bit to that one. Her blog is a creative outlet for her to express her “propensity to spout off”, which she admits, has gotten her into trouble on more than one occasion. Her topics vary from what it’s like to be 50, health, the joys of motherhood, and relationships with friends. As she says in her interview below, blogging has afforded her “a HUGE audience” that’s allowed her to speak her mind and build relationships with a great bundle of like minded women. That’s probably one of the things I love most about blogging–being able to form relationships with people from everywhere.
This interview doesn’t do her wonderful blog personality justice. Go visit her blog and make a new friend.
Here’s what she had to say.
Has blogging helped you in any emotional or creative way?
“The Middle-Aged Cheap Seats” has provided perspective and an enhanced my sense of humor when it comes to life in the middle. I’ve bagged the idea of aging gracefully and have instead fully embraced the concept of using up everything I’ve got before I exit stage left!
Has blogging daily/weekly helped you achieve any personal goals?
Blogging has helped me find this HUGE audience of successful, funny, middle-aged gal pals. Writing with this audience running around in my head has definitely helped me move forward toward the publication of my second book; titled “Magic Fishing Panties.”
Does the ritual of daily/weekly blogging give you motivation to pursue things you are passionate about?
Hmmm… well I do tend to write/blog about ideas that I care about or have a high interest in: estate sales; children; women’s health for example. This week’s blog post discusses skin cancer and creating a back story for my new facial scar. My “passions” are fairly broad in scope.
——————————————————————————————-
This post is part of a series on bloggers who have found direction or passion through blogging. If you would like to be featured in the Passion Series, please contact me through this form with responses to the above questions, and share your passions. Thanks! See all Passion Series posts >>
Every Monday and Friday morning, at roughly 6:30am-ish, the trash men come and roll a large dumpster up and down the alley next to my apartment. As I’m only one floor up sleeping next to a window I can’t quite close all the way, there is no sleeping through it.
As the huge brown dumpster rolls over the bumpy gravel, pushed by men who possess a courage unmatched by anyone in LA at that ungodly hour, it makes the sound of pure, unadulterated thunder. In fact if I were a sleeping cloud, and thunder were to strike right through my cloudy soul and collide with all that is metal everywhere, that would only slightly encapsulate the sound of this rolling trash dumpster through my alley twice a week.
I swear to everything that is cheesy and greasy, it sounds like the world is collapsing in on itself when this happens. It gives me shivers. And the days that it happens are too fitting to not be ordained by some higher power. Mondays and Fridays. Every Monday it’s like a harsh wake up call reminding me that hey! It’s Monday! SUCKERRRR!! And every Friday it sort of becomes this hey! One last time! SUCKERRR!!! before letting me slip into deep, and I mean deep weekend bliss.
I woke up this morning with the first line of this blog post in my head, only Meg Ryan was saying it. (Ah, morning disorientation). So that’s sort of the reason I’m blogging about this tonight. I just like the way things hit me when I wake up, and I like writing about nuances in the day. I’m 28 and I want to remember my nuances. And waking up is the most magical thing. It combines everything that was going on in your unconscious state of mind with the present one, and you’re left groggy and a bit disoriented, wondering which way is up. It’s like when I woke up around 230am last night after dreaming about a wonderful service I’d invented, where people could upload their Instagram photos into this like…storyline they put together. It was like a place where you could upload pictures and quotes that told a story about your weekend, your trip to Idaho, whatever, and they could share it with their friends.
When I woke up of course I realized this idea was a lot like Storify, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t about to pursue it. In the dream it was just really, really cool.
Oh yeah, wanted to update you on a new weird thing on the blog. There’s a video in the sidebar to the right. It’s part of a video ad network I joined called Van. It posts fun little viral videos from around the web for your enjoyment, and I get a few cents every time someone watches them. You don’t have to, but it’s there because it’s a relatively simple way for bloggers like me and millions of others to make a buck or two and it doesn’t bother anyone. So if you’re casually reading and get bored half way through any post, feel free to stop and have yourself a quick intermission.
And I haven’t forgotten about the giveaways. I always think about them actually. Sometimes I’m in the shower and I’m like damn, what do I give these guys? And then other times I’m in the street and I’m like damn, what do I give these guys? And then usually I’m online joining a bunch of different communities to see what opportunities are out there. And there are actually so many cool communities for bloggers to join to get sponsors (these are the people who approach bloggers with their products, so the bloggers can then give them away to their readers. AKA you.) One of them is Etsy. (Don’t roll your eyes boys). There’s actually a lot of great products on Etsy that cater to both men and women. I joined a Blogger/Sponsor Connection team there, where a lot of people are looking for bloggers to promote their shiz. It’s really interesting. So needless to say, I’m workin on hookin’ ya’ll up! Hopefully I can get to a point where I’m doing one giveaway a week.
Also? I’m thinking of making it so subscribers can read the entire blog post in their email accounts, instead of having to click and open it elsewhere. Why? Because everyone is consuming content on their cell phones, and no one wants to click out of their email account when they’re on their cell phones. Myself included. So if you’re reading this in your email account currently, and wondering what the hell is going on, that’s it. (If you hate this idea, let me know in the comments.)
Also I really hope your Monday went well. Whatever it is you did with it, and whatever your plans are for the week, I hope they are fun and only partially scary. Lastly, it seems that everyone carved a freakin’ pumpkin this past weekend. I feel left out. I need to carve a pumpkin. Did you carve a pumpkin? And what in Jack’s name are you going to be for Halloween?
(Videos by VAN. Watching these videos gives me a few cents,
and a few cents are always welcome.)
This post is part of a weekly feature called the Passion Series…enjoy!
The story behind why Shayna Keyles started her blog An Arrow a Day is one of the best kind. She found herself working in a legal firm straight out of college, and it didn’t take long for her to realize it wasn’t what she was meant to do. Like me, she got into the 9-5 work routine, and felt her creative side slipping.
Lucky for Shayna, she was able to identify the one thing that truly fascinated her, and that she was ultra passionate about. This is the part of the story where I leap for joy because I know sometimes it takes people years to figure that out.
She loved reading the news. I know, that’s a really simplified version of it, but sometimes the best starts are as simple as that. The news gave her an ‘out’, and it was that ‘out’ that she realized she truly enjoyed. She ended up starting a blog dedicated to writing about the way our social/political landscapes intertwine, as well exploring “the relationship and the dynamic scenarios created along with it.” And she’s a damn good writer. You can always tell how good a writer is by the way they hold your attention, and she definitely held mine.
Here’s what she had to say.
Has blogging helped you in any emotional or creative way?
Blogging has helped me remember that my life should not be dominated by my profession. I currently work as an executive assistant for a legal funding firm, which, though it is not my first (second, third, fourth, or fifth) choice of profession, is a job that I am planning to keep because it is full-time and because it pays relatively well to a 23 year old college graduate who does not want to pursue the field in which she majored.
Once I started working full-time, I found myself in a lingering slump that prevented me from enjoying much of anything. I constantly focused on increasing and improving my skill sets so I could “get out of here.” At work, I started reading the news more often so I could escape the mundane office world. It so happened that the news fascinated me — the way it was written, who was writing it, and for what reasons. I decided to comment on the articles I was reading — not just the content of the articles, but the way that the articles existed in the vacuum that is digital media.
I remembered what I was good at, and what I enjoyed. I kept it up. I stopped focusing so much on how to boost up my work-cred, and started to focus more on how to get better at things I’m good at, like how to design a webpage? How to do some graphic design? How to paint? How to take photos? (okay, so the last two have nothing to do with blogging, and the first two haven’t really happened on the blog yet, but you get my point.) It’s a good start.
Has blogging daily/weekly helped you achieve any personal goals?
My ability to quickly collect and analyze data has improved drastically in the past few months since I’ve started blogging. I’ve also learned how to better navigate the internet, which has been a goal since I made a bet with a friend that I’d be more internet famous than him one day (it’s never going to happen, he has a Tumblr that shows lots of boobs and I write about the government. Booo-ring.) Nonetheless, these new skills have really helped me embrace my creative side, which I lost hold of once I entered the professional world.
Does the ritual of daily/weekly blogging give you motivation to pursue things you are passionate about?
Writing a blog has helped me create an image of what I want my future to be. It has allowed me to combine my artistic passions with my political sensibilities, and my love for sharing knowledge with my beliefs about the world we live in.
Thanks Shayna for participating in my series!
——————————————————————————————-
This post is part of a series on bloggers who have found direction or passion through blogging. If you would like to be featured in the Passion Series, please contact me through this form with responses to the above questions, and share your passions. Thanks! See all Passion Series posts >>
I have to tell you the awesome things that happened to me both at work and afterwards today, on a Monday, the most hated day of ever. I know they stemmed from my happy freakin’ thoughts. (I just know it, okay).
Mondays are supposed to be horrible, but every morning when I wake up, I try and imagine the staggering beauty of how we evolved from fungus on a rock billions of years ago, to conscious human beings, parallel parking Priuses. I usually climb out of bed smiling (cause that’s a miracle, baby) and cause these eyes, these ears, and these Trader Joe’s dark chocolates don’t exist on every planet.
I was in a ‘situational funk’ this morning. I call it ‘situational’, because the situation of my high school reunion made me ‘eh’. There was something about that whole experience that reminded me exactly of the way I felt when I went to high school there, and I didn’t feel like my normal self after it was over. So the funk I was in this morning was more because of the situation, versus anything really wrong in my life. Hence, situational funk.
Nevertheless, the Christmas music was blaring from my speakers this morning as I lathered my hair with shampoo, and for some reason I was really, really excited to go into work. It was altogether very strange and funky because just behind my cheery facade, I was in the throes of quite the ‘situational funk’. It was such a weird back-and-forth of emotions that I couldn’t really do much but roll down the window on the way to work and take in the beauty of the day. It was dry, warm, and somehow, fragrant.
(I’m going to pause here to note that someone is outside playing the harmonica on the steps of their apartment building right now, and I feel like I’m in an old Western or floating on Pirates of the Caribbean).
But let’s get on to the good stuff. So there I was, caught up in this strange flux of up and downness, marveling at the all-fucking-over-the-place capabilities of human emotion in the span of a single second, and for some strange, beautiful reason good shit kept happening. So somehow, it was like my subconscious was churnin’ out happy freakin’ thoughts. Number one: when I got to work I was non-stop busy. All day. My absolute favorite. Number two: my sister came into the office to interview for the front office manager position at our company, so I got to see her on a day I usually don’t, and was extremely excited about her potentially working there. Number three: It was suddenly 5:30 at 5:30. I love it when it’s suddenly 5:30 at 5:30.
Okay I’m gonna branch off here and stop listing things numerically to talk about my awesome experience at Trader Joes shortly after I left work around 6:30. I can’t remember it now, (damn it), but for some reason, I was completely floored in my car when I parked in the garage at Trader Joes. I have no idea why. I was gathering up my purse and had this one huge thought about life and I can’t even remember it, it was so huge. But I literally said out loud “wow”.
Moving on. So I was really super happy (it was very sudden) as I bounded down the steps of the parking garage and into the Trader Joes. I got a cart and wheeled around until I got to the frozen section, and realized I needed some edamame hummus (my sister says it’s the dizzle). There just so happened to be a guy there that was helping someone else, so when he was done I asked him where the edamame stuff was. He was an older guy with long gray and white hair tied back into a pony tail. He told me “Sure! It’s right back this way, I’ll take ya. Straight back by the fruit.” Then he started mumbling some things I can’t remember but overall he was really just the epitome of easy going AND helpful. I marveled at how awesome Trader Joes associates were at making you feel special.
Then I made my way to the bananas, and while I’m trying to decide what shade of green to go for, this other guy that works there starts loading up the area with more bananas, and says to me, “These are the ones you want. This is a good bunch.” I smiled and said, “Thanks! I think I want a little more green though. But thanks for the help!” Minor interaction I know, but he was just so damn nice.
So I go ahead and make my way to the grocery line after I finish up my poking around, and realize I want some coconut yogurt that my sister said was good. So I head to the yogurt section and there is another guy that works there, filling up the yogurt in the fridge (I swear it was like some musical the way I kept running into every single happy food stocker that worked there). I say “Excuse me, this says Coconut Milk…is that yogurt?” (Because no joke, this stuff said Coconut Milk). I sort of half knew it was yogurt but wanted to make sure. He said “Yeah, it just says milk but it’s not really milk. It comes from the coconut.” And I said “Great! Thanks!” But THEN he also had to point out that there was a pumpkin flavored yogurt, a chocolate flavored one, as well as a MOCHA flavored one. We got on talking about dairy allergies and how some people can actually eat yogurt but not dairy and yadda yadda yadda and I ended up buying one of the damn mocha yogurts cause he said it sort of tasted like coffee. It was such a happy, friendly conversation, I was really starting to think it was scripted.
So I pay for my stuff and nothing real spectacular happens, except for all of it was only about $80. I also asked for a roll of quarters, and had to go talk to a different guy in order to get them. So I go up to him and instead of just saying “sure” when I ask him for the quarters, he says “Do I have to give you exactly $10 in quarters or can I give you less?” He was totally messing with me. After a little bit of back and forth he says “Well, you’ve got a great smile so you can have the full $10.” This might have been flirting, but he was way older and I didn’t get a creep vibe. More like a friendly uncle vibe. I walked out feeling AMAZING. JESUS!
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! The guy at the parking toll both was also awesome! I gave him my ticket to exit the structure and we got to talking about the ring I was wearing and whether or not it was an amber stone and which birthstone that belonged to and which zodiac sign that was and yadda yadda YADDA. I felt like I had friends all over the damn place!
But wait…there’s MORE. I get home, and I’m squeezing my Corolla into the tightest parking spot imaginable, when out of the clear blue dark I hear a voice that says “You’re good, keep going.” Some random guy on the street who was carrying a couple bags of groceries stopped to help me parallel park my freakin’ car! He helped me until I was successfully parked, and when I shouted “thank you so much!” from my window he said, “no problem, I’ve lived around here for awhile so I know how bad parking gets.” Then he just walked off like nothing happened.
It was at that point that I thought, I have to blog about this.
That was the kicker. That was the thing that really put me over the edge and made me feel like somehow, all of the good vibes I’d had right when I got into work were felt by the universe as well, and brought me nothing but more good vibrations. And I’m such a happy camper right now. I’ve got a fridge FULL of food, a nice warm bed to sleep in, and a bright, bright moon to sleep under. I’m also learning so much more about affiliate marketing, online advertising, and how organizations work, that I’m bubbling over with giddyness.
It makes you stop and wonder…how did I get so lucky? So blessed? I have a feeling the universe would reply with something like, “All these blessings and you’re questioning? Go figure.”
I’m thinking about my high school reunion tonight, and the scary fact that it’s been a decade since I graduated from high school. To me, high school seems about as far away as preschool was. I have blurred memories of hating to take tests, wishing I was popular, and falling in love from a good distance with the ‘drama’ guys who performed in every spring musical. I remember getting glared at by a gothic chick for staring at the dark posters in her locker, improvising my summary of To Kill a Mockingbird in front of the class, and getting anxiety attacks about having to run a mile in P.E. I hated all of my Spanish teachers. One time, I laughed so much in my art class, the guys at the table next to me called me a ‘tweaker’.
I remember thinking the popular girls were perfect.
This was not the high school I graduated from though. I left this high school at the end of 10th grade and never looked back. I went to live with my mom in Los Angeles and ended up at an even worse school, where I graduated and also never looked back. But I’m not going to the reunion for the school I graduated from (if there even is one), because the only bonds I formed at that school are with people who I’m still in touch with, and there’s no reason for me to revisit anything there. The people I went to school with from 4th – 10th grade though, those are real keepers. Those were the people I grew up with. And even though I didn’t walk with them in 2003, I feel like there’s a piece of me that graduated with them.
Looking at where I was then, compared to now, it’s absolutely horrific, as it should be. But I don’t want to say “I wish I was the way I am now, back then. Then things would have been better.” Because it’s not really the truth. Nor, in my opinion, do I think it’s even possible. You can’t get to where you are now, without having to go through where you were then. You have to know what jealousy feels like before you can overcome it. You have to hate yourself before you can learn how important it is to love yourself. So no, I don’t wish I was never awkward in high school. I love that I was awkward, because I love myself now, and I am so fucking willing to embrace my fetal stage. (Weird word choice haha. Fetal? Let’s go with it.) It’s beautiful, getting to new stages in life, and new cycles. Seeing myself as a depressed and unconfident teenager makes me feel even more love for myself because it’s like watching your child go through it. It was a piece of me, and it’s a time that will always be precious. Kind of like those horrible breakups in my early twenties. But I could write novels about those.
At any rate, I’m reminiscing in the best way. I have a really great feeling about tonight, and harbor no ill will towards anyone. I don’t secretly hope the popular girls got fat and divorced with 4 kids (although I do sort of hope the ‘I’m too hot for life’ popular guys endured their fair share of wake-up calls.)
Also, I wanted to update you and let you know that I’m working on joining a program that will let me give cool stuff away to you guys. The only trouble I’m having is deciding what sorts of things to give away. I figured I’d just let you guys decide and let me know. Would you mind taking a look at the list below and letting me know what kind of cool giveaways you would enjoy the most? (It’s free for me and even free-er for you so don’t be shy and tell me what you’d like!)
I’m trying to keep them as gender-neutral possible as well, since I have a nice mix of guys and gals in my subscriber list and would like to keep it that way.
- Gift cards
- Books
- Other
As you can see, I’m out of ideas. Let me know what kind of cool stuff interests you so it can be like Christmas here erry’ week. Just comment with some cool stuff. Right now. Do it. I’ve even installed Disqus, an awesome commenting platform, at the bottom of this post so it’s easier than ever to comment with things that you want, like “cars!” or “cash moneyyy!!”
Thanks. 